


Florida Kilos

by AutumnAkkiko



Category: The Umbrella Academy (TV)
Genre: Ben Hargreeves is Alive, Diego is a Good Brother, Diego needs a hug, Everyone Needs A Hug, Good Brother Ben Hargreeves, Good Brother Diego Hargreeves, Good Brother Klaus Hargreeves, Good Brother Number Five | The Boy (Umbrella Academy), Good Sister Allison Hargreeves, Good Sister Vanya Hargreeves, Klaus Hargreeves Deserves Better, Klaus Hargreeves Needs A Hug, Klaus Hargreeves Needs Help, Klaus Hargreeves-centric, Klaus gets sober, Klaus is a junkie, Klaus is trying to be okay, Klaus needs a hug, Klaus was abused, Lesbian Vanya Hargreeves, Protective Diego Hargreeves, Reginald Hargreeves' A+ Parenting, Sober!Klaus, Vanya Hargreeves - Freeform, five is a lowkey jerk, i lowkey made myself cry, klaus is a hooker, klaus is high, no one wants klaus, reginalds a+ parenting
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-04-01
Updated: 2019-04-17
Packaged: 2019-12-30 12:34:11
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 10
Words: 22,335
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18315356
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AutumnAkkiko/pseuds/AutumnAkkiko
Summary: Death is really appealing to Klaus Hargreeves.That terrifies Diego.Luther doesn't know what to do.Allison gathers the family.Five feels no sympathy.Vanya wants to help.Ben secretly hates himself for not being there for Klaus.





	1. High by the Beach

**Author's Note:**

> My first time writing a fic!

Everything fucking sucks. Fucking suck, everything does. The world is not a kind place. The cards are stacked against you.

Klaus doesn’t care how you say it as long as you don’t lie. He’s already lied to himself enough.

“It’s not a problem.”

“I can stop at any time."

“It’s just to dull the voices.”

Yeah, right. Klaus may have fried his brain, but he’s not a dumbass. Well, scratch that, he is. He just knows that he was lying to himself when he said The Problem wasn’t real. He’s still completely a dumbass. He looked around the room, OxyContin and Fetanyl were scattered around like some sort of twisted art project that had gotten messy. He couldn’t think clearly for more than 1 second. He was high as hell. He had taken way too much but he didn’t really care. At least he could..

Not think. Not thinking was good. He was nauseous and felt like vomiting, but if he vomited, sobriety would drop him on his ass like his first fuck and he didn’t have time for that shit.

He groaned, attempting to stand up, but his head was pounding and he just fell down. There was a pill beside him, and he grabbed it, popping it into his mouth, giggling. He didn’t care. He fanned out the money he had crushed into his palm, smoothing out the wrinkes. Looked basically the same. Just a little messed up. He snorted. Vanya would probably say it was a metaphor for his life.

If there was any life left.

He heard the music from his radio play, so he turned it up to turn off the sounds of regret. He refused to feel any when he was high and ruin it. The old radio shook slightly, and Klaus could feel the vibrations of the music travel through the shitty carpet of the cheap motel. He mouthed along to the lyrics of the song, too weak to sing. Who was he kidding?

He was always weak.

Searching through his mind, he seeked the reason he was here, before flashes of what had happened that night burst in his mind. Sometimes, when times were rough, he’d fuck a Tom or Jerry or sometimes a Martha and they’d pay him and he’d use it to fund The Problem which he liked to pretend wasn’t really a problem-

And now he was crying on the floor of a shitty motel, high off his ass.

He reached for his phone, not sure who to call. Popping five more random pills from the floor from courage, feeling his high get elevated, he called Ben. Ben was alive now, and as a fully alive person, Ben decided to stay the **fuck** away from Klaus. He couldn’t be blamed. There was a reason Klaus was a single, drug-addled 30-year-old man and it was because nobody liked him.

There was nothing to like.

As he dialed the numbers of Ben’s phone, he heard it ring over and over before the voicemail message came on.

“It’s Ben. Klaus, if you fucked up again, call Vanya.”

Klaus smiled at the familiar voice and the content of the simple message.

“Thanks for the comfort Ben.” He slurred, barely understandable, taking forever to get the words to leave his throat. His mouth felt dry and rough but he popped another pill as he dialed Vanya.

“Hey, it’s Vanya. If you’re looking to arrange violin lessons, please leave a message.” Vanya’s voice stopped.

“Klaus, if it’s you, call Allison.” Klaus smiled, feeling like a hot potato being passed around because nobody wanted him. He didn’t want himself, to be fair, and the song changed.

Florida Kilos.

Lana Del Rey.

Grinning, he sluggishly dialed Allison, blinking away black spots on his vision. Allison’s voicemail answered.

“Hello, this is Allison. Since you called my personal number and I didn’t pick up, it’s you, Klaus. Call Luther. He should be able to help.”

Had his siblings orchestrated some sort of game to see who would answer Klaus when he was high off his ass? Klaus didn’t blame them. A lone tear ran down his cheek, but he laughed. He was too high to pick a singular emotion.

He called Luther. Luther actually picked up, but it felt like a voicemail.

“Klaus, I’m too busy to deal with you right now. Call Five.” Klaus didn’t know Five had a phone, so he asked Luther for his number, hanging up once he had written it on his arm, as there was no paper in the cheap motel room. Luther, though Klaus would never know, sat down on the chair, wondering if Klaus would die. And that thought convinced Luther to turn off his mind and go to sleep, soon.

Klaus called Five, who answered. “Klaus, call Diego.” The line went dead and Klaus felt something in his heart because that was just so _Five_ and he would have felt weird if it wasn’t.

Diego had picked Klaus up so many times out of strange alleys and rooms that he had memorised Diego’s number. He blinked away more black spots. The line ringed and ringed. Klaus almost gave up, resigning himself slowly over to overdosing by blending all of these pills in the blender and drinking them because he was that bored and the concept of death was getting increasingly more appealing. Diego finally answered.

“Klaus, what have you done now?” Klaus’s dry chuckle was the first thing Diego heard. “Mi hermano..” He raspily breathed out. “I’m inches away from making a Fetanyl and OxyContin smoothie.” Klaus didn’t realise how exactly this would sound. To his friends, this would elicit a chuckle, maybe a desire to share, to try it. But to Diego, a normie, that was a terrifying thought.

“Klaus, where the hell are you?” The courage Klaus had mustered with pills was slowly dissipating.

“That’s not impor-”

“Klaus.” Diego’s tone of voice was scared yet scary. Klaus had never heard anything like it. Or had he? He was too high to remember.

“I’m in that motel on 54th street.” Diego knew exactly where that was. The red light district. Klaus, once again, had been working the world’s oldest profession. He groaned. He’d have to take a break from being a vigilante for a night. Goddamnit, Klaus.

“I’m on my way there.” Klaus wasn’t exactly sure why he had called Diego, but something in him- probably the last shreds of any rational thought that hadn’t been killed by cocaine or heroin- had convinced him to.

Klaus looked down at his other arm. A needle was still stuck in it. Hell, heroin too? It really was a surprise he hadn’t overdosed. He twirled a Fetanyl in between his fingers, smiling. Sobriety was going to hurt like hell unless he brought just a couple of these with him. Scrounging around, he realised he was naked, and thankfully remembered to get dressed before Diego showed up. Klaus wasn’t a private person about that sort of stuff, but he knew Diego rather not see his junkie brother with a needle in his arm laying on the floor naked surrounded by pills. Klaus hid the pills in the pockets he had sewn into his patchwork jacket that was a size too big for him. When was the last time he had eaten--?

He had no fucking clue.

He slid into his tight, leather trousers, not thinking to bother with a shirt. As long as his junk was covered, Diego was good and as long as Klaus had something to tide him over with him, Klaus was good. That was just how it was.

He flopped over to the couch, scrounging more pills to hide. Downstairs, in the lobby, the seedy looking receptionist looked Diego up and down.

“You look a bit nice, for this part of town, _boy_.” The seedy man rasped out. Diego felt uncomfortable.

“What room is a Klaus Hargreeves in?”

The receptionist looked him over.

“He’s been real popular lately. Room 23.”

Diego didn’t want to think what ‘real popular’ meant because it only angered him. The receptionist muttered to himself.

“A lot of ‘em like leather…” Diego looked down at his leather knife harness and shuddered at the fact that the man thought he was there to-

Yeah.

No. He knocked on Klaus’s door.

“It’s not locked.” Music was pounding, and Diego allowed himself a small smile because it was so Klaus like to be high as hell with music playing as loud as an old radio would allow. The highest part of the high had hit Klaus like a train, energy abounding as he danced all around the room.

“I’m gonna be your bubblegum bitch-” Klaus sung along, his eyes catching Diego’s figure.

“Dear brother…” He slurred. “I’m high.”

Diego laughed, pretending he wasn’t close to crying. He strode forward, pulling Klaus into a hug.

“Only people I sleep with can suffocate me-” Klaus squeaked out and Diego let him go.

“We’re going home.”

“Can we get waffles?” Klaus lazily waved his ‘Hello’ hand. Diego remembered when Klaus came home with the tattoos, and how uncomfortable Luther looked when a 16-year-old Klaus recounted the tale of how he had convinced the tattoo artist to do it for cheap by flirting with him. Diego smiled as he grabbed Klaus’s ‘goodbye’ hand, pulling him out the door.

“Sure.” He had to hold back a snort when he remembered something Klaus had said..

“It’s not like I minded flirting, I mean, I was pretty horny from the pain, y’know.” The crew had just been sitting. Diego was holding back a laugh and Luther and Allison sat beside each other, just a little too close as they exchanged the look that parents might when their child says something just a little too personal.

That had been very personal, but Klaus hadn’t cared, even then. Diego faltered. When was the last time Klaus _had_ cared?

Klaus slurred out words again. “Earth to Diego? Waffles!”

Diego smiled. “Sure, sure, come on.” He sent a passing glare to the receptionist as Klaus waved goodbye, stumbling into Diego’s car, a pill or two falling out, but not before Klaus slyly scrounged them up again. Diego stopped at the nearest IHOP, pulling in, and ordering waffles to-go, paying for them before getting back into the car, where Klaus was half asleep. The smell of waffles woke him up, grinning.

“Delicious. Amazing.” Klaus smiled as they drove home. Diego helped Klaus out of the car, sighing.

“Come on. You need to sleep.”

“Noo--” Of course, Klaus had to abandon his rational judgement that he had used to call Diego and now argue. Diego groaned, lifting Klaus up. He was light. Suspiciously light. Too light. Klaus pulled up a song on his phone, singing along.

“It’s buzzcut season anyway.” Klaus smiled, his pupils dilated, his mind in some far off land as he leaned into Diego. Walking carefully so as not to disturb Klaus, he entered. The most surprising thing of the night? Was that their 5 other siblings, all awake, were sitting on the couch, as though they were waiting for Diego and Klaus.

Five spoke first. “Well this was a relatively predictable evening. I’m going to retire.”

Allison shot him a glare, and Five’s sense of self preservation kept him seated.

“I misspoke. The family has gathered-” Five gestured to the rest. “To help Klaus get sober. We have named it Mission Impossible-”

This time, a glare was earned from Ben.

“I apologise. We have named it Mission Improbable.” This time earning a side glance from Diego as he laid Klaus onto a chair. Allison decided to speak.

“He called us all. So we called each other, and decided to try and… help.” Allison attempted a weak smile, entwining her hand with Luther’s. Diego nodded slowly, his stomach twisting that Klaus hadn't called him first.

“What time is it?” Vanya asked in a small voice. Five checked his watch.

“It’s 3:04 A.M.” He answered dryly. Ben had fallen asleep, and so had Klaus. Diego laid down on another chair, starting to drift off, Luther following. Vanya was next. Five gingerly closed his eyes, and Allison was the last one up.

“I’m not sure if this going to work.” She whispered, to herself. Finally, her eyes closed, smoothing over her worries.


	2. Born to Die

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Klaus goes shopping with Allison, buys a lot of clothes, then spends his first day sober with some of his family watching TV.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Two chapters in a day. I'm inspired, okay?!?  
> Shoutout to my friend Kawi. You're amazing and great. Thanks for letting me ramble to you about this, heh.

Klaus groaned as his eyes fluttered open. The sun was too bright and he felt like a train had been rammed into him. He had been too high to remember what had happened last night, but somehow he had ended up here. He looked around. It was his childhood home. As his eyes adjusted to the light, he looked to his left and saw a motherly figure hovering over him.

“Good. You’re awake.” Allison’s voice smoothly spilled out of the motherly figure, and Klaus put two and two together and came up with Number Three. Standing up, he flung his coat off so as to hide the fact that drugs had spilled out of it when he was sleeping, yet Allison saw.

“We’re going shopping!” She clapped her hands excitedly, grinning. Klaus waved a lazy hand aimlessly around in the air.

“I’ve been up for 5 minutes- _sober_ \- and the first thing you do is clap and talk loudly?” He weakly flipped her off.

“I need to get dressed.” Klaus stumbled in the direction of their rooms, still feeling like complete shit. Allison held him steady as he walked to his room, shutting the door for him once he was in. An hour passed, and Klaus emerged, wearing royal blue stiletto heels, which looked quite unstable, black leggings that, despite being an extra-small, were slightly loose on him, and a royal blue halter crop top.

“You look like a two dollar hooker.” Allison finally admitted when she took Klaus’s veneer in.

“Perfect,” Klaus smirked, his green eyes shining bright, his hair tousled, wearing copious amounts of eyeliner. Allison rolled her eyes. She wore a purple dress with matching purple heels. It was sort of funny to imagine Klaus was her brother, what with his choice of... clothing wasn’t exactly the right word, seeing how little clothes, he wore, but how he chose to present himself compared to Allison.

Allison continued to take in Klaus.

“When was the last time you ate? You are unhealthily skinny.” Klaus shrugged, not caring about her well-placed concern.

“I thought we were going _shopping_ , my dear sister.” He rolled his eyes, lighting a cigarette. Allison wished he wouldn’t, though there was little she could do, for at least cigarettes were legal as Klaus would intend to argue.

Allison walked Klaus out to her car, starting up the convertible. Klaus, of course, couldn’t use the door like a normal person and instead jumped over the door.

“If you mess my car up you’re paying for it.” Klaus shrugged, grinning, running a hand through his hair.

“SHOPPING!” He was, like Allison, always one for pretty clothes, because, let’s face it, Klaus, being Klaus, had 2 important priorities in life: getting laid and getting high, and pretty clothes helped him do at least one.

“Alright, alright.” Allison smiled, driving. Finally, she was pulling up to the mall, Klaus half-dragging Allison into the mall and heading straight for the closest clothing shop. He browsed, finding a leather pencil skirt that was slim enough to achieve the desired effect, mesh crop tops, and other such items of clothing. Allison raised an eyebrow.

“This is like a slutty drug dealer.” She held up a pair of trousers.

“Dear sister, do you know me?” Klaus responded, grinning. Allison rolled her eyes as they finished shopping. Klaus scrounged around in his purse, finding 25 cents worth of change.

“I have 25 cents.” He looked at the 200 dollar total, and then at the two dimes and a nickel.

“Don’t worry. I got it.” Allison smiled. The retail lady asked for Allison’s autograph, which she happily supplied after paying for the clothes. Klaus squealed happily. The lady figured it had been for Allison, so she silently side-eyed the other person, in this case, Klaus.

“We have a men’s sectio-”

“And you have a stick up your ass. Good day!” Klaus grabbed the shopping bags and ran out of the store, Allison begrudgingly following.

“Thanks for the gift, Allis-”

“It has strings attached.” She didn’t let him finish. “You have to stay sober for a week.” Goddamnit. He nodded, sighing.

“But only because the leather skirt is basically f-”

“Klaus.”

“Okay, sure, fine, fine.” He waved her off lazily.

“Now you’re going to eat and you’re going to like it,” Allison said, her Mom Voice being very convincing.

“I don’t need fo-”

“Yes, you do.”

“I-”

“ _Klaus_.” Allison continued to argue with Klaus, and she won, just by saying his name. He sighed, nodding.

“Fine, fine, what do you want?”

“Subway?” Allison’s voice dripped with hope in a way Klaus couldn’t refuse.

“I’ve never said this before, but I’m going to take the six inch.” Klaus grinned at his own bad joke, Allison shaking her head.

“Fine, as long as you eat.” Allison dragged Klaus, bags of clothes in tow, to the Subway in the mall, where she ordered one-and-a-half Italian subs. They sat down, Klaus continuing to crack jokes as he picked at his sub.

“I’m this close to rumouring you.” She whispered sternly.

“Fine, fine, I’ll eat.” He made a point of taking large bites of the sandwich while glaring at Allison, finally finished.

“There, happy?”

“ _Yes_.” Allison retorted pointedly. Klaus sighed dramatically as they walked out to the car, carrying the bags as he floated over into the seat.

“Buckle in.”

“I’m too suicidal for that.”

“ _I said buckle in_ ,” Allison growled, Klaus raising his hands, surrendering, buckling in.

“Good.” Allison once again said pointedly as they drove home. Five was sitting outside, drinking a cup of coffee and looking suitably displeased with the world.

Even after saving it, Five liked to savour how unimpressed he was with humanity at large.

“Hello dear brother-” Klaus started to speak cheerfully.

“Save it. Put your clothes away and then I’m going to-” He checked a piece of paper he was holding. “-Lecture you on the side effects of drug use.” “

Save the spiel, I know it.”

“Am I released from this now, then, Allison?” Allison sighed, nodding.

“May I remind you that you volunteered yourself?”

“Only after Luther glared at me for an hour straight. It was _unnerving_.”

Choosing to put his clothes away instead of listening to Allison and Five argue, he floated up to his childhood room. Oddly pristine. Too clean. Klaus decided to just dump the clothes onto the bed. Perfect, now it really looked like his room. Collapsing onto the floor, his heart dropped a beat when he read a text.

“You still owe me, pretty boy.” Klaus shivered as he read it, deciding to delete it. After all, it was probably just some John who didn’t really expect what he had gotten, seeing Klaus wasn’t just your dime-a-dozen normie when he moonlighted as a hooker. But how did they get his number-? His anxious thoughts, wouldn’t let him forget about _Ryan_. He shuddered as he deleted the text, dropping the phone and quickly exiting his room, plastering on a trademark grin and floating back downstairs, where Luther was watching TV. Picking up the remote, he changed the channel from a crime show to a trashy reality TV show.

“Hey, what was that for?” Luther exclaimed indignantly

“I need to find out what Tay gets up to, Luther.” Klaus explained, sitting on the table, knees pulled to his chest.

“You know we have a couch, right?” Luther offered.

“I’m good.” Klaus’s attention turned to the mind-numbing antics of the women on the screen.

“So, Klaus, would you, like, to- uh- talk about, y’know a-anything?” Luther managed to get out.

“No, no, I’m great! Fine!” His smile was decidedly fake. He just wanted everyone to shut the hell up for a bit while he pretended he wasn’t sober. He was itching at his wrists. Sobriety was always the worst on the first day.

“Anything wrong Klaus?” Luther noticed the itching.

“Sobriety.” He answered dryly. “Can I have booze?”

“No. You can have water.” Luther answered firmly. Klaus, sighing, got up and went over to the kitchen, pouring himself a glass of water and downing it quickly. His thirst wasn’t quenched but he sat back down.

“What are even the benefits of sobriety?” Klaus wondered aloud. “It seems overrated.” Luther thought for a moment before speaking.

“You won’t die.”

“I’m suicidal, next.”

“You can drive.”

“I don’t have a license and driving without one would hang heavy on my conscious, next.”

“Wait- you don’t know how to drive?”

“I don’t need to, I’m always high.” Luther sighed. “Tomorrow, we’ll start learning.”

“Who made you my father?” “..”

“You’re right.” Klaus sighed. Meanwhile, Diego and Five were uncomfortably relaxing outside. Five was doing a crossword puzzle.

“I need a five letter word for disappointment.” Five finally spoke, breaking the awkward silence so loudly that Diego swore you could hear it shatter. A grin played on Diego’s lips.

“Klaus..?”

“It fits.” Five shrugged and put it down.

“Strangely, it completes the puzzle. Why am I surprised?” Five zapped away, leaving Diego alone with his thoughts.

Had Klaus stayed sober today? He could hear Klaus groaning about sobriety inside, so chances of that were high.

Was Klaus okay? Probably not. Diego sighed, looking through the window to see Klaus floating about in a bored manner. He walked into the house to check in on him.

“How’s it going, Klaus?” Klaus flipped him off.

“How do you think it’s going? Did all that vigilante-ing give you a concussion?”

Diego rolled his eyes. “Medically I’m fine.” He grinned. “Mentally, I’ve been near you for… 5 seconds, so not the best.”

At least Klaus grinned at Diego’s sarcasm. They continued to banter back and forth before Ben wandered in.

“How’s my least favourite junkie?” Ben was the most similar to Klaus. He was gay (as Klaus had indelicately explained), he has tried drugs because Klaus persisted, he was the most sarcastic second to Klaus, and of course the one most likely to disappear for weeks on end for no given reason. Klaus flipped Ben off, a fan of doling out the bird.

“In case you couldn’t tell, he’s doing fine,” Diego answered, which earned a glare from Klaus.

“Not even booze?” He ventured again.

“No.” Five answered as he zapped in, made himself a cup of coffee, and left. Klaus started playing music- quite loudly, Luther might add, the others not caring, seeing as both Diego and Ben started singing along- and so he just sat there. He looked uncomfortable, but Luther usually did, so the group didn’t think much of it.

Finally Klaus had tired himself out.

“Time to show everyone the outfits I got!” He floated up the stairs excitedly. Ben clapped excitedly as Luther groaned, Diego stifling a laugh. Finally Klaus emerged, and he actually looked good. He wore the leather pencil skirt with a mesh crop top and high heels, a look altogether common for Klaus, but he pulled it off better when he was sober, Ben thought to himself.

“You look… alright.” Luther conservatively answered. Just because his brother wore a lot of outfits like this didn’t mean Luther didn’t think it wasn’t _weird_ because it totally _was_. Diego thought it was hilarious, and he knew it made Luther uncomfortable, so he fully supported Klaus, albeit slightly selfishly. Ben thought it was cool and sometimes would borrow a pair of Klaus’s pants or one of his shirts.

Klaus twirled around, obviously enjoying himself, before climbing back up the stairs and coming back in a different outfit. This time, a different, fluorescent green crop top- one that managed to be even more revealing, because Klaus loved that look- and a new pair of leggings made of black fabric that crisscrossed over his legs with a base layer of fishnets and a pair of black converse. Klaus grinned at his look.

“What do you think?” He smiled.

“ _At least it’s pants_.”

“...Anyone other then Luther?”

Ben took out his phone. “The look is fire, Klaus.” Ben snapped a picture for his Instagram. Klaus was photogenic and Ben loved taking pictures of fashion, no matter how much he vehemently denied it. Ben also had picked up a lot of slang from spending years with Klaus, so it was sort of funny to hear Ben using modern day slang like that. Luther found it weird, but oh well. Eventually, they finished looking at all the outfits and it was nearing 11 P.M.

Holy crap, how much money did Allison spend on Klaus’s new wardrobe that they spent 5 hours looking at all that he had picked out? Diego sighed.

“I’m heading out. Duty calls.” He waved goodbye quickly and closed the door behind him.

Ben yawned. “I’m heading to bed.”

Luther shot a quick glare at Klaus before grabbing the remote. “I’m going to finish watching X-Files.” Klaus nodded, lazily waving his hand about.

“I’m going to go smoke a cigar-”

“No, you’re not.”

“You’re right, I’m not. I’m going to lay in bed and pretend I’m sleeping.”

“Yes, you are.” Klaus floated up the stairways into his room, climbing into bed, sighing. Sobriety always affected him worst at night. If he really, really tried and he was really, really sober, then he could sort of pretend he was high and somehow placebo effect the ghosts to be quieter. Sometimes just talking to them helped. Sometimes he had to slap them and they’d leave, getting the hint that they weren’t welcome.

He slapped a lot of ghosts that night.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wrote 6 pages instead of 5 1/2 in google docs, sorry that it's long, oof.


	3. Bury a Friend

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Vanya is a good sister when Klaus needs it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TRIGGER WARNING  
> REFERENCES TO SEXUAL ABUSE/ABUSIVE RELATIONSHIPS  
> Please do not read if this will mess with your mental stability because you're a lovely human being and I really want you to be happy  
> Also, shoutout to my friend Mark, who let me talk (read: type incoherently) to him about this chapter.

Klaus woke up, thankfully not feeling like a train had hit him- this time, at least. He sat up, itchy, itching his shoulders and wrists and knees. Sobriety always made him feel itchy like he was going to itch a hole through his skin. Damn, he hated detoxing. A week has passed since Allison took him shopping, letting him grow accustomed to a new life without drugs. Throwing on a tight tank-top and his new black leggings with the fishnets and some heels, he brushed his teeth for, like, the first time in forever. He rushed downstairs, grabbing a Twinkie for breakfast, stretching, as Vanya filtered in along with the sunlight.

“Hey-Hey Klaus.” She stammered out, giving a weak smile.

“Oh, hey, Vanya.” Klaus smiled at her.

“So- ah-u-well-you see-”

“Spit it out, I have things to do.” He didn’t have things to do.

“Diego told me that you ha- had been dd-down in the r-red light district.” She finally sputtered out in a small voice.

“How do you think I afford drugs? It’s the only job I’m good at.”

“That can’t be true.” Vanya found some courage, reaching into herself and shaking herself up real good because when she shook up her feelings, and made sure to feel them, she was braver. She didn’t know why, but she was.

“Afraid so, sister. But, humour me, tell me why you brought this up.”

“I-I think you should, y’know, get tested.” Her voice dwindled down to a whisper, losing hold of the confidence she had when she shook herself up. Klaus looked shocked, paling, shoving the rest of the Twinkie into his mouth.

“Nope. Not gonna happen. Nein. Net. I’ll look it up in binary code, whatever the fuck, just no.” He shouted unexpectedly at her, running up the stairs back into his room, starting to sweat.

“Klaus- No! Come back! I just wanna help!” Vanya looked concerned, following, knocking on Klaus’s locked door.

“Please..” She sat down beside the door, leaning on it.

“I can’t.” A whisper slithered past the door, Klaus’s voice shaky and unsure. Vanya had only heard him like that a few times before, and it made her stomach flop.

“What’s wrong? I’m so sorry Klaus, just please. Tell me.”

“Vanya..” Another whisper vibrated through the door.

“Klaus…” Barely audible she responded. His voice fell silent. She could hear the old grandfather clock down the hall ticking away the seconds. An hour passed, though it felt like an eternity. She stared at the clock, pretending she wasn’t scared for Klaus. Finally, he spoke, his voice a welcome escape from something Vanya couldn’t quite put her finger on.

“You can’t tell anyone.” He raspily breathed out. “Pinkie promise?”

Vanya couldn’t see it, but knew Klaus had put his pinky finger to the door. Vanya put hers where she knew Klaus had his, nodding.

“Pinkie promise.” A couple seconds passed, feeling like infinity.

“It was all my fault. I- I shouldn’t have led Ryan on like… like that. I was so tired that night- I had gotten so drunk my head was pounding- and- and I didn’t want to do… y’know.”

Vanya nodded, her pinky still resting on the door.

“It’s okay.” She whispered encouragingly.

“I told him not tonight but he didn’t listen and I- I had flirted with someone that night to make him jealous and it didn’t go past that but- but still- he was angry and he called me- he called me a s-slut and a w-whore and y’know… I couldn’t stop him.” He was choking back pained sobs. Vanya was crying, softly, tears running down her cheeks. Her heart had fell into her stomach, and she could feel it beating through her entire being.

“I haven’t gotten tested since- since then.” He choked out, wiping tears that had been tinted black by day-old eyeliner.

“It’s not your fault.” Vanya finally spoke, trying to merge the right words together into a sentence, even though there was nothing she could really say.

“That’s called-”

“I know what it’s called, Vanya. But it was my fault because I could have stopped him and I didn’t.”

“It’s not your fault!” Vanya banged on the door before retreating into herself, hoping she hadn’t scared Klaus.

“It’s not. I promise.” She said again in a small voice. The lock could be heard unclicking and a Klaus with eyes red from rubbing, with dried tears on his cheeks tinted by eyeliner, answered.

“Then why do I feel like such shit?” His voice broke in the middle, Vanya standing up and surging forward to hug him.

“Because he was ab-abusive. Abusive towards you.” Vanya hugged Klaus closer, going over to his bed to sit down.

“Was he really though? I deserv-” Klaus was interrupted by Vanya.

“You never deserve something like that. You deserve a lot better then someone who hurts you.” Vanya managed a weak smile. Klaus cracked a joke, he didn't like being serious. Especially when he should be serious.

“At least, being hurt non-consensually.” Tears still streaked down his cheeks, and he hugged Vanya with a tight grip. Vanya allowed herself a small laugh, letting Klaus out of the hug.

“I still can’t get tested.”

“Klaus- listen, it’s important- we’ll pay for it. We don’t want you dying of some-some disease or something.”

“I have had STDs before, I’ll be fine.”

“Klaus, please.” They continued to banter back and forth until Vanya said something that caused Klaus to stop and think.

“Sobriety is all good, but if you hurt yourself other ways it doesn’t really count.” Klaus hated to admit it, goddamnit, but she was right.

“What if I have, say, AIDs? I don’t think Allison can rumour it away.” Vanya hadn’t thought about that.

“There’s medication you can t-”

“Like the junkie is gonna follow the dosage instructions.”

“Klaus, please just get tested.” Silence fell after Vanya spoke, enveloping them like a sea. Vanya didn't know about Klaus, but she couldn’t breathe. She felt like she was being buried, almost, by the weight of what she had said and truth be told, Klaus was faring no better. He let a few moments pass as if he almost couldn’t bring himself to speak, but finally, he was able to say one word:

“Fine.”

Vanya stayed quiet, though the silence was no longer awkward, gently pulling Klaus into a hug. They stayed like that for a long while, Ben’s music gently seeping in, Diego’s knives hurling through the air as he practiced downstairs, Luther’s tools and tinkering as he built his model airplanes, Allison practicing her lines for an upcoming role and even though they couldn’t hear him, knowing that Five was nearby, drinking his coffee, was very comforting.

“Do you want to do it now?” Vanya finally spoke, debating with herself on the words, not sure if she had picked the right ones, shaking slightly from being nervous. Klaus stalled a moment, a few stuttered letters escaping his lips before he was finally coherent.

“Sure, sure, good, yeah.” Vanya held Klaus’s left hand, pulling him up, squeezing it to give him courage, not sure what else to do. They walked downstairs, everyone else busy, not seeing them, and they went outside. The rain pelted down on them so they ran for the van that Five had nicked, Klaus slamming the door after him. Begrudgingly remembering Allison, he buckled in. Vanya did so as well, starting the engine, the rumbling soothing Klaus in a way he didn’t exactly understand. It wasn’t nostalgic but something about the rumbling of a car made him happy. Klaus leaned his head against the window, listening to the pattering of the strong rain on the roof and watching droplets stream down the window like a tiny, petite river. His finger trailed along with a few of them, Vanya turning up the radio. Billie Eilish’s vocals spilled out in the form of ‘Bury a Friend’. Klaus smiled at Vanya, who grinned stupidly that Klaus knew the song, and they began to sing- not going to lie, loudly- along. “

What do you want from me-

Why don’t you run from me-

What are you wondering-

What do you know?”

The siblings sang together, Klaus’s tattooed palms waving lazily along to the music as Vanya drove. The song was a welcome distraction from the pain he desperately wanted- no, the pain he desperately _needed_ to plug, to stop, to get away from. Finally, the doctor’s office came into view and Klaus’s breath hitched.

“Vanya n-”

“Klaus. You are the strongest person I know.” Vanya hated interrupting but she had to do it.

“You’ve been through so much and I will be right outside, ready to hug you, when it’s over, okay?” Klaus took a deep breath, his eyes blinking. He wanted to just pretend he didn’t exist, curl into fetal position, and stay there for about 5 hours, but he couldn’t let Vanya down. He had been through worse then being tested. He could do it. He could do it. _He could do it_. He shakily opened the car door, slowly unbuckling himself. Vanya peppered him with soothing words of “You can do it”s and “You’re amazing Klaus”s and whatever else she could say. She believed everything she said, and that is what convinced Klaus to lethargically slide out of the car. Vanya got out, locking it, taking Klaus’s hand and giving him a look of subtle admiration as they walked closer to the glass doors. Klaus looked at Vanya before shakily taking a handle, letting Vanya in first before registering his appointment. The receptionist looked him up and down (usually only women came in for sexual testing) but Klaus gave her a big grin as she wrote down his name.

“Dr. Elizikah will be with you in a moment.” The lady said cheerfully, Klaus going to sit down beside Vanya, who gave him a nod.

“It’s going to be okay.”

“I know.” Half an hour passed before Klaus was called back, his palms feeling clammy and his skin even paler than usual (which Vanya thought was impossible). He stood up, giving Vanya’s hand a squeeze before disappearing into the doctor’s office. Vanya felt worried for Klaus, though she wouldn’t admit it to him, to try and keep him happy, but she was scared that he wouldn’t be okay and that she’d lose her brother. She couldn’t let that happen. To take her mind off things, she tried (read: failed) that new Candy Crush level that just seemed impossible. Time passed, and her phone died, and Klaus was still not out. Reading magazines, she tried to forget the reason she was here, almost as if she was looking for an appointment for herself. It seemed as though she was years older when Klaus emerged, beaming, and happy.

“I’m clean.” He whispered to her, Vanya jumping up and pulling him into a hug.

“I told you that you would be fine!” She grinned, a grin that made her whole face light up, instead of the sad-looking smile she usually wore.

“The doctor harped on mostly about drug use and eating enough.” Klaus grinned. “He obviously doesn’t know me if he thinks I don’t know the side effects of heroin. I’m sure I know more than him.”

Vanya let out a small laugh, pulling Klaus tighter.

“At least you’re safe.” Vanya exhaled, letting Klaus go, patting him on the shoulders.

“Yeah. Yeah. You’re right.” Klaus smiled as they exited the building quickly, with a newfound confidence in the fact that Klaus Was Safe. Vanya slid him a 20 dollar bill.

“For your troubles.” She gave a small smile as Klaus kissed the bill to his lips.

“I bet Luther would be mad if I told him.”

“You’re probably right, so stuff it into your purse before we get home.” Vanya said quickly, a smile playing on her lips at doing something ‘wrong’. They drove home, listening to a tape Vanya had of her playing the violin with skill and expertise. Klaus’s fingers drummed along to the tune of the song, his head swaying lightly, his foot tapping. The rain had left, bright, sunny, warming weather basking over the car and the houses. Finally, they came home, Klaus floating out of the car, opening the door for Vanya, floating in. He decided to be a good brother and make lunch. Grabbing bread, peanut butter, jelly and some Lays potato chips, he slapped some peanut butter and jelly onto the white bread, putting the top piece on. Grace walked in, giving a serving of potato chips onto the plates while Klaus sliced the sandwiches. She walked over, giving him the plates and a kiss on the cheek.

“It’s important to eat three meals a day,” Grace said cheerfully.

“Hey, mom.” Klaus set the plates down, grabbing a diet Dr. Pepper to go with his meal, not sure what Vanya would want. She sat down after grabbing a Sprite and they started to eat lunch, Klaus cracking jokes and seemingly back to normal. Klaus’s phone buzzed when he was almost finished.

“Almost finished with lunc

h sweetie?? xoxo ryan” The text read. His hands shook wildly as he deleted the text.

“Anything wrong Klaus?” Vanya asked, her brows furrowing in concern.

“No! No, everything is fine!” Klaus said in a rushed tone of voice, finishing his meal quickly. “I’m going to go upstairs- and, uh -clean!”

“Klaus- and he’s gone,” Vanya spoke to herself, sighing as Klaus ran upstairs, slammed the door behind him, locking it, and pulling the blinds closed, hiding in his closet, breathing deeply.

“ _No. No. No. No. No._ ” He whispered to himself, rocking back and forth, trying to comfort himself. His phone pinged with another message.

“you cant ignore me, babe, lol” Klaus stood up in his wardrobe, throwing his phone down, stomping on it with his heels.

“Shut. The. Fuck. Up.” He told the phone, wiping more tears off of his face as he destroyed his phone, little bits of glass flying haphazardly around as he killed it, collapsing down, sobbing, little bits of glass embedding themselves into his pale skin, drawing dark red blood that trickled down slowly. He didn’t care as he curled into himself. At least, now, Ryan couldn’t message him. He could pretend Ryan didn’t exist. Ryan was dead to him. He’d hold a fucking funeral if he had to, but Ryan was dead to him. Vanya ran up the stairs, knocking on Klaus’s door.

“Klaus? Klaus? Are you okay?” She spoke through the door, panicking. Diego was coming up from knife practice and spotted Vanya talking to Klaus’s door.

“Let me do this, Vanya.” Diego firmly announced, Vanya nodding. Diego proceeded to slam into Klaus’s door, breaking the lock. He couldn’t see Klaus at first, and was slightly confused.

“Vanya, are you sure he’s in here?” The moment the words left his lips Klaus’s sobs could be heard and Diego’s demeanor changed, carefully opening the closet door to see a sobbing Klaus with bloody arms surrounded by glass and the remnants of his destroyed phone.

“It seems you have found me at an indelicate moment.” Klaus plastered on a smirk, but Diego could tell it was fake, grabbing Klaus by the shoulder and lifting him up.

“You need to clean up.”

“B-”

“ _Clean. Up_.” Diego growled, his tone threatening, Klaus raising his hands.

“Okay, okay.” Klaus floated out of the closet down to the washroom, and Diego could hear the water running as Klaus started a bath. Vanya sighed, walking downstairs after casting a sad glance at Diego, who had flopped down onto the bed, taking his head into his hands, his dark hair entwining in his hands.

“What happened?” Diego said to himself. “Why is our family so fucked up?” He whispered, not sure who exactly he was asking.

He wondered what it would have been like if Reginald never adopted them. Would Klaus still be a junkie? Would Vanya have almost caused the apocalypse? Would Luther have needed to be saved with an injection and would he have gone to the moon? Would Allison be famous? Would he have still been the vigilante he is now? Would Five be such an insufferable brat? He scoffed at the thought. Probably, knowing Five. Part of him hated that their adopted father had changed their lives so much that this is what their life was now. But, maybe they could help Klaus, just a little, if they really, really tried and Klaus would have to listen. Diego didn’t know what he was to expect from trying to get Klaus sober, but he didn’t expect to be sitting on Klaus’s bed, reevaluating their entire lives as they knew it. He allowed himself a small smile. Klaus would probably tell him to chill, so he tried to chill.

Chilling must be a lot less difficult then getting sober.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The author regrets everything, especially life. I cried while writing this chapter, but expect a funny chapter next.


	4. Ride

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Luther tries to teach Klaus to drive.   
> Keyword: Tries

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I had to write something fluffy after the chapter with Vanya. Take this!

Klaus woke up, tucked into his bed, makeup cleaned off. His arms had been bandaged by Five (however much he complained) and Allison made sure he ate dinner. Contrary to what he usually did, he called it a night and crashed. It was around 8 A.M, and rising, he picked out a new outfit, ready to get dressed, before Luther’s voice boomed.

“Pick something practical,” Luther said, already sounding annoyed with Klaus.

“Dear brother, when have I ever been practical?” Klaus retorted, waving around a pair of trousers.

“Klaus, I’m teaching you to drive, and you need to be comfortable.” Luther sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose. This was already going way more difficult then he had expected.

“Okay,” Klaus whined, picking out his most practical pair of pants (leather leggings), a band t-shirt, and converse. “Now shoo, I need to get dressed.” Luther walked away, closing the door after him as Klaus scrambled into his clothes, lining his eyes with extravagant eyeliner, prancing outside of his room.

“Do you  _ really _ need to have such large winged eyeliner?”

“Tsk, tsk, tsk, Luther, yes, yes I do.” Klaus slid down the staircase handrail, twirling once he was off. Despite everything, Klaus was quite graceful, and he attributed it to a few years he spent as an exotic dancer, which Diego found funny, probably because it made Luther uncomfortable. 

Klaus grabbed an apple from the bowl of fruit in the kitchen, giving Grace a hug as he met back up with Luther.

“Why exactly are you teaching me to drive?” He took a bite of the apple, an audible crunch, as he looked curiously at Luther.

“Because you’re almost 30 and it’s a life skill,  _ Klaus, _ ” Luther said, his voice terse that Klaus just couldn’t go along with what Luther said to do.

“Fine, fine. Let’s go.” Klaus swung out the door, grinning wildly. “What am I going to learn to drive?”

Luther pointed to his black Honda. 

“No cool convertible like Allison has?” Klaus pouted slightly as Luther rolled his eyes.

“No, Klaus, no cool convertible. Sorry for the inconvenience.” The larger man rubbed his temples. 

The decidedly former junkie sat in the drivers seat, his left foot on the pedal. 

“You should use your right foot.” Luther pointed out.

“But I’m lefthanded.”

“Fine, use your left foot then.” Luther sighed as he got into the car, banging his head on the dashboard. He fished the keys out of his pocket, handing them to Klaus.

His dark curls shook from whiplash as Klaus looked at the keys, then at the ignition, and then at Luther.

“I don’t understand.”

Luther groaned, banging his head on the dashboard. “You put the key in the ignition, you idiot.”

Klaus attempted to put the key into the ignition, but failed miserably. “This must be how Allison feels when you two have s-”

“Klaus. Don’t. In fact,  _ let me _ do it.” Luther interrupted, not wanting Klaus to go further. Klaus threw up his hands, finally remembering to buckle as the ape-man demonstrated how to start the car.

“Now put your hands at the ten and two position.” Luther’s ‘teaching’ voice was monotone and dry, causing a side-glance from Klaus.

Klaus didn’t know what the ten and two position was, so he once again threw up his hands.

“I’m a bottom, I can’t do this.”

“Klaus, I’ve told you before that I don’t know what that is, just put your hands on the damn steering wheel and I’ll help you rearrange them.”

Klaus groaned, putting his hands on the steering wheel right beside each other at the top. Luther’s large hands roughly shoved the driving student’s hands into place, where Klaus’s eyes lit up, like he finally got it.

“Now, take one hand and switch to reverse.”

“But I just put my hands on the steering wheel!”

“I swear to God, Klaus, just do it.”

Klaus groaned as he switched into reverse.

“Now, slowly, put your foot onto the gas pedal.” Luther enunciated the words to make sure Klaus got them, but it was all for naught, as Klaus slammed his left foot onto the gas pedal, shooting the car backwards, knocking over their mailbox.

“Damnit, Klaus!” Luther made sure to buckle in for his own safety. He should not have let Diego rope him into this.

“So now what do I do?” Klaus said cheerfully, as though he hadn’t just caused damage to their property.

“Well, for now, we’re going to learn to drive, but later, you’re fixing the mailbox.”

“Fine.”

“Now, switch back into forward, and slowly turn onto the road.” Klaus switched forward, and jerked them sharply onto the road, instead of following Luther’s advice. Luther was slowly tightening the seat belt, eyeing Klaus warily. 

“So now I just.. Drive?”

“Technically, Klaus, yes bu-” Luther was cut off by Klaus speeding quickly onto the road, driving past the city, as they were on the edge of it, and choosing to speed along the highway, turning the music as loud up as it would go, the song being Ride by Twenty One Pilots, cranking his window down, letting the wind tangle itself into his hair as Luther clutched the seat, his eyes wild.

“Klaus- what are you doing?” He shouted over the music.

“I’m having a wild time.” Klaus laughed as he cruised down the highway, narrowly missing other cars and swerving. 

“Stay in the lines, shit, Klaus!”

“It’s called adrenaline, Luther!” Klaus started singing along to the lyrics as Luther physically panicked.

“Fuck you, Klaus!” Luther flipped him off, trying to figure out how to get Klaus off the road.

Klaus rolled his eyes, driving out the way of a car. 

“I’ve been flipped off before. Usually up the ass, but, eh.” Klaus shrugged as Luther looked very uncomfortable, side-eyeing his brother.

“Didn’t need to know that Klaus.”

“Didn’t need to know how to drive, Luther.”

“You still don’t!”

“I haven’t died yet, have I?”

“I’m frankly more concerned about myself right now!”

Klaus started driving with his knee, Luther on the verge of having a heart attack as Klaus connected his phone’s speakers to the car’s speakers, blasting the music louder as Klaus used the crank that turned down all the windows.

“This is better then coke!” Klaus squealed as he sped up, finally managing to stay within the live as he drove. Luther allowed a small smile, trying to enjoy the dangerous situation he was currently in.

The song changed to Bad Guy by Billie Eilish. Somehow, Klaus had changed Luther’s radio, which caused the large man to emit a deep sigh, Klaus singing along.

“I’m the bad guy… duh.” Klaus’s signature grin that held a great time or the worst time (depending on who you were) displayed proudly on his face, his hair even more wild then normal as Klaus drove. 

Finally they reached the stretch of highway where Klaus was actually going the speed limit, leading Luther to actually feel a good bit safer, that is, until Klaus took his hands off the steering wheel and just trusted his fate to God.

“You’re going to kill us, Klaus.”

“As long as I’m dead.” Klaus laughed, genuine joy in his voice as he pulled into a McDonalds drive through, holding out his hand for Luther to begrudgingly place his wallet into. 

“Two number one combos and a chocolate frosty.”

“We don’t serve frosties at McDonalds.”

“What the fuck do you think I want then?”

“Sir-”

“Get me the damn milkshake.” Klaus drove to the first window before the lady could say anything else, paying for the meal and then driving off, slurping his frosty and snacking on a fry as Luther hesitantly reached out to grab one, shoving it into his mouth. Klaus pulled over into a nearby park, grabbing the food and getting out of the car, sitting down with his burger. Luther got out as well, sitting beside Klaus, munching on his.

“So, Klaus-”

“Shut up, and just you eat, you stupid, big oaf.” Klaus was grinning, though, so Luther could see he didn’t mean all of it, though he went quiet, eating his meal. He checked his watch, seeing it was about 1 P.M.

“Hey Klaus, it’s the afternoon, if you wanna head on back.”

Klaus had already finished what he had got for himself, so he stood up. 

“I had other plans.” He attempted to drag Luther towards the swing set on the playground.

“Klaus- no-” Luther argued, standing still. Klaus was the weakest of the Hargreeves siblings, and would be unable to move the largest and strongest of the Hargreeves siblings.

“Pleaseee? I let you teach me how to drive.”

“I taught you the very basics and then you racked up about 10 crimes of varying severity.”

“Tomato, tomahtoh.” Klaus waved him off with a bandaged arm.

Luther rolled his eyes as he let Klaus drag him over to the swing set. “You realise I won’t be able to go on the swings right?”

“You can push me.”

“Klaus, you’re not a child.”

“God, I hoped not, I’ve done some very illegal things, especially for a child, recently.” 

Luther strode over, not appreciating Klaus’s sarcasm. “ _ Fine _ .” He groaned as Klaus floated into the seat, clutching the chains that suspended the flimsy piece of plastic that was still somehow able to support him as Luther started to push.

“Whee!” Klaus said, kicking his legs. Luther was regretting the choices that brought him to this moment until he checked his watch and he had spent 2 hours  _ pushing Klaus on a child’s swing. _

“We’re going home now,” Luther remarked gruffly.

“Noo…” Klaus whined. Luther ignored Klaus’s plea, picking him up, and dragging him to the car. 

“ _ We are going home, Klaus.” _ Luther decided he was going to drive this time around and show Klaus what responsible driving looked like. He calmly started driving home, Klaus rolling his eyes, cranking his window down.

“I can’t feel the wind in my hair.”

“Today’s not windy.”

“Then  _ drive faster. _ ”

Luther sighed as he started speeding up a little faster, Klaus grinning as he blasted My Chemical Romance.

“Do you listen to anything else?” Luther groaned in a fatherly way.

“No.”

“Try this.” Luther turned the radio to the “Oldies But Goodies” station that was basically 50s and 80s pop music, bopping his head a little.

“This is trash.” Klaus turned it back to My Chemical Romance, starting to sing along, before Luther changed it back.

“Oh, now it’s on.  _ Like Donkey Kong. _ ”

“Wha-” Luther said confused, before Klaus lunged for the stereo, shielding it from Luther and changing the station back to My Chemical Romance, turning it up louder.

“Klaus, stop it!” Luther attempted to drive the car while also pushing Klaus off, only sort of successful.

“WELCOME TO THE THUNDERDOME!” Klaus shouted as he fought against Luther, despite him being stronger. Then he grinned evilly, deciding to use Luther’s kryptonite:  _ Luther is ticklish. _ He learned this from Allison when they were doing their makeup together. Klaus’s left hand shot up to the back of Luther’s neck, brushing over it in a way that would elicit a ticklish feeling. Luther tried to squish Klaus’s fingers with his head, but then let go of the radio, letting Klaus change it.

“Fine, fine, fine.” Luther sighed. “Listen to your stupid emo music.”

Klaus looked offended. “That’s insulting! This is one of my favourite songs by them! MAMA, WE ALL GO TO HELL!” Luther growled, rolling his eyes, as he drove them back to their house, pulling into the driveway. Diego was waiting outside for them. Klaus and Luther got out of the car, Luther locking it.

“How did your first driving lesson go?”

“It was fucking awesome!” Klaus grinned. Diego smirked at Luther, knowing that what Klaus counted as ‘awesome’ was probably terrifying to Luther.

“Luther?” Diego turned to the largest man in the yard.

“Well he almost killed us,” Luther replied tersely.

“Like I said,  _ fucking awesome _ .” Klaus interrupted before rushing into the house to watch more reality TV and annoy Five, who was inside watching a documentary. Luther stepped up to Diego, pointing a finger at his chest.

“Never again.”

“You’ll take him out next week?”

“Yes.” Luther sighed, rubbing his temples. “He also listens to loud music.”

“He listens to  _ good  _ music.” Diego corrected, rolling his eyes. “Well I’m gonna go help Mom start dinner.” Diego walked inside as Luther went to find Allison.

Meanwhile, back inside, Klaus and Five were wrestling on the floor.

“Give me the remote, you damn junkie! At least I’m expanding my mind!”

“BUT THEY LEFT ME ON A CLIFFHANGER!”

Ben was watching, sniggering. “I don’t care who wins, I’m just here to watch.”

“Shut up, Ben.” Five was able to pin Klaus down, but Klaus kicked him in the stomach when he was talking to Ben, surprising him just enough to grab hold of the remote and float into the air, changing to channel 101 for more of his favourite reality TV show.

“I hate you.” Five sat down on the couch, glaring at Klaus.

“I hate me too. We should start a club, and I’ll make pins.” 

Five rolled his eyes, instead zapping into the kitchen to make himself a cup of coffee, grabbing a book while it brewed, then teleporting back to grab his coffee and then back to the couch, sitting down, starting to read.

“Girl, why are you betraying Tay like that?” Klaus shook his head sadly.

“I know you don’t do this a lot, but I’d greatly appreciate if you either stop talking and shut your mouth or stop breathing. Which one is up to you, but  _ shut up. _ ”

Klaus flipped him off. “I feel so welcomed.” He rolled his eyes, floating around the room as he watched his TV show.

Luther had found Allison, both coming into the living room.

“Klaus, did you stay sober today?” Allison started to interrogate.

“Sadly, yes, much to my chagrin.” Klaus sighed dramatically. Allison then turned to Luther, who nodded confirmation.

Allison sat down politely on the couch, Luther beside her.

“How was driving lessons?” Allison asked innocently, no clue of what had happened. Klaus started to babble about it, Luther looking pained, and Allison was able to read enough between the lines to realise that Klaus, in true Klaus fashion, stayed sober but got high on adrenaline. She couldn’t ban him from that.

“That’s all well and good.” Allison finally said. “But at least put on good TV.”

“This is good TV!”

Allison sighed. “Give me the remote.” Klaus begrudgingly handed it to her, and she put on one of her movies.

“Of course, the movie star wants us to watch one of her movies.” The former junkie spoke sarcastically.

“I’m in a lot of movies, though.”

“That’s true.” Klaus sighed, floating off into his room. There was a small piece of torn paper on his nightstand. He went over to it, picking it up gently in his hands, squinting to read it.

“You looked cute today at the park. Xoxo, Ryan.” The note read in red handwriting that Klaus recognized, tearing the paper into tiny pieces, fetching a lighter and setting them alight, throwing the ashes out of his window. He collapsed onto his bed, wincing when he fell too hard on his left arm, curling into himself.  He hid under the covers, shaking. Pogo had finally been convinced to install TV’s into their rooms, and so Klaus turned it onto Hell’s Kitchen. Hell’s Kitchen was almost nostalgic to Klaus, because Five reminded him so much of Gordon Ramsay. He focused on that, slapping a few ghosts when they got in the way of the television.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope I keep up this two-chapters-a-day-thing I'm doing.


	5. Bad Guy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's everyone's birthday at the Hargreeves house, and a secret comes out.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Take a bonus third chapter today because I got 1000 hits in 2 days and this is making me lowkey freak out

A couple weeks later, it was October 1st. Birthdays weren’t exactly like birthdays at their house. When they were growing up, they didn’t celebrate them, but now it was similar to Christmas celebrations. Everyone got 6 presents (any presents from Klaus tended to infuriate or cause laughter from the other siblings), one from each sibling. 

Klaus had taken his 20 dollars to the local Dollar Tree, and this is what he bought for his siblings:

Luther got a small monkey stuffed animal, which he didn’t find funny and glared at Klaus over. .

For Diego, he got him a ring with a plastic knife on it, similar to those ones on cupcakes. However, Diego loved it, and wore it the entire day..

For Allison, he got her the card game to a show she was on. She hadn’t thought to get one yet, so she thought it was a thoughtful gift and smiled.

Five got a coffee mug with the words ‘You’re an Idiot’ on it. He allowed himself a reserved smile. 

Klaus smirked as he handed Ben his present which was a manga about a girl with tentacle arms. Ben joined Luther in the ‘Glaring at Klaus’ portion of the day.

Vanya got a journal with a violin on the cover, which she loved, enveloping Klaus in a tight hug. The others, of course, gave their gifts, but then it came time for Klaus’s gifts.

From Luther, he got his “Student Driver” License, to which he stupidly grinned. He had been out driving a couple more times with Luther, each just as precarious, if slightly more skilled then last time.

Diego got him his “First Month Sober” chip, which Klaus was able to slide onto the chain necklace he was wearing.

Allison gave him a new sweater as he had been complaining he was cold lately. It hid too much skin for Klaus’s liking, but it was skintight and he could cut off the mid-section with a pair of scissors later.

Five gave him a book. 

“You should actually use the one remaining braincell you have left to learn something,  _ Klaus.”  _ Five said pointedly.

“No promises.” Klaus flipped him off.

The book was on quantum physics. Klaus had barely passed high school physics, it was highly unlikely he’d understand the book.

Ben got Klaus a sparkly pink ouija board, which Klaus both liked and hated. He gave Ben a hug while glaring at him.

Finally, Vanya gave him a sparkly bracelet that she had found on Etsy. Engraved into it were the words:

“You are loved.” 

Klaus cried, hugging her as he slipped it onto his thin wrist.

“Cake time!” Klaus floated into the kitchen, grabbing himself a slice of funfetti cake that Diego helped Mom bake the night before. The rest of the siblings grabbed themselves a slice (Luther actually grabbed two) and sat down to appreciate the cake.

But, of course, it would not truly be a holiday at their house without a fight.

“Y’know, I didn’t celebrate my birthday on the moon…” Luther trailed off, shoveling cake into his face.

“Shut up about the moon.” Diego muttered under his breath. He used his knife to eat sometimes, a habit that they had never been able to break him of.

“Then shut up about how hard your vigilante job is.” Luther retorted.

“At least I do something other then complain!” Diego growled. Five simply sipped his coffee, Vanya trying to interrupt but miserably failing.

Luther stood up. “You never listen to me! I have good ideas!”

“No you don’t,  _ ape.”  _  Diego stood up, a hand clutching his knife tightly.

“Fight! Fight! Fi-” Klaus started to chant before being stopped by a glare from Allison.

“We don’t need to fight guys.” Vanya was finally able to spill out.

“Shut up, Vanya, you tried to kill Allison once.” Luther said tersely.

“What about the rest of us?” Klaus cried indignantly. 

“For once, I agree with Klaus. Mark the date on the calendar.” Five took another sip of his coffee. Allison stood up.

“If you two don’t stop RIGHT NOW, I’m going to have an issue.” Allison warned.

If looks could kill, Luther’s final glare would have suffocated Diego as he sat down. Diego twirled his knife over in his hands as he sat back down, his eyes not leaving Luther.

“Let’s just enjoy our birthday. We’re officially 30.” Vanya tried to cheer them up.

“Woo, I’m older and closer to death!” Klaus slowly clapped. “Can I get drunk?” This elicited glares from the six other siblings in the room and a resounding “ _ No _ ” in unison. Klaus sighed, floating onto the edge of his seat.

Allison’s face lit up as she remembered something. 

“Hey, Klaus, I noticed you haven’t had your phone with you. Did something happen to it?”

Klaus rubbed the back of his neck nervously. “Oh- Yeah, I dropped it in water and the rice did zilch.”

Allison nodded. “Well I got myself a new phone and factory resetted my old one, here you go.” She handed him the old IPhone 10. Klaus had never had such a nice phone in his entire lifetime, so he was shocked.

“For-For me?” Klaus stammered out, surprised. Allison nodded. Klaus went about the process of setting it up, loading his old contacts and games and such onto it while the rest watched movies, mostly ones Allison had been in. As soon as he was finished setting the phone up, his phone pinged.

“You can’t hide from me Klaus. Xoxo happy birthday, ryan.” 

Klaus dropped the new phone in surprise, thankfully not breaking it. Luther was the first to notice, grabbing the phone, reading the text with a furrowed brow.

“Klaus, is there something you’re not telling us?” He asked suspiciously. Klaus’s face paled, seemingly frozen in his spot.

“Oh-Oh nothing is wrong! Everything is fine! I don’t know a Ryan!” He laughed nervously, attempting to grab the phone, but desperately failing. Luther passed the phone over to Diego, who seemed immediately angered by it.

“Klaus, if you have some weird stalker creep on your case,  _ I’m going to kill him. _ ” Diego threatened menacingly, causing Klaus’s hackles to raise.

“I swear I’m fine-” Klaus groaned as he attempted and still failed to grab the phone. Diego handed it to Allison.

“Klaus, what is his last name? I’m going to have to search him on my computer.” Her eyes looked steadfast in her new mission, handing the phone to Five.

“This reads like stalker behaviour.” Five responded clinically. “Klaus could be in danger. The message suggests Klaus knows him or that his delusion is strong enough he thinks he knows Klaus. Either way, I’m  _ not  _ going to be involved.” A glare from Luther changed his tune. “-Involved in ignoring this problem.”

Klaus once again continued to attempt to grab the phone, but Ben got ahold of it first.

“Klaus, this does not look good.” Ben’s face held worry as the phone was passed to Vanya. Her face paled as she recognized the name.

“Klaus..” She said in a small tone of voice. “I think we have an upcoming discussion.” Klaus looked even more worried after  _ Vanya _ had read the message.

“Nothing is wrong!” Klaus continued to try and convince them everything was fine, but it was all in vain.

“Klaus I’m going to stab whoever is stalking you.” Diego cracked his knuckles.

“No one is stalking me!” His voice was still unconvincing as he rubbed the back of his neck, his eyes pleading with Vanya to not say anything.

“Klaus, you have to. What if he hurts you?” Vanya whispered. At that, Klaus broke down.

“I had a boyfriend named Ryan and I was a horrible boyfriend and I broke up with him and I basically ghosted him and now he wants to talk to me and I don’t wanna talk to him.” He spilled out quickly, not taking the time to enunciate the words, so they all ran together. Luther was confused, but Five was able to read between the lines.

“So you have an abusive ex-boyfriend named Ryan who is sending you text messages that border on threatening?” Five inquired, making sure he was understanding this correctly.

“Not.. not just text messages. I found a note in my room.” Klaus whispered, drawing his knees to his chest as he floated.

“Do you have the note? I can trace his fingerprints.” Diego interrupted.

“No, I destroyed it.” Klaus looked down at his stilettos. Diego groaned, pinching the bridge of his nose.

“What’s his last name, Klaus?” Allison asked, her laptop already out, her fingers poised to type.

“I.. It’s Lee.” Klaus answered after a while. Allison ran the name, checking FaceBook, Twitter, Tumblr, hell, Myspace, and coming up with nothing.

“I don’t know if he exists. Where did you meet this Ryan Lee?” 

“...Grindr.” Klaus groaned, rubbing his temples. Ben couldn’t help but laugh, even if it meant a glare from Diego.

“You met him on Grindr? Never look for serious relationships on Grindr!” Ben was rolling.

“You know what Grindr is? What is it?” Luther looked around confused. Klaus’s lips twitched into a smile.

“It’s where men go to hookup with other men. Tinder of the gay world because Tinder was not working for me.” Klaus groaned into his knees, rearranging his skirt. Luther looked embarrassed, blushing. Diego snapped a photo of the blushing Luther (who was then glaring at Diego.)

“I’m familiar with it.” Diego shrugged, causing a sideway glance from Five. “What? You’re surprised?” Diego questioned. Five thought a moment, before shaking his head no.

“Well- this is, uh- awkward, I’m going to go see if I can find him-” Vanya almost too quickly got up and left the mansion, Klaus grimacing.

“Cocaine, anyone?”

“No, Klaus.” The others groaned, shooting him a warning look.

“Fine, fine.” He put his hands up, his tattooed palms showing surrender. Allison was still searching the name, this time on Grindr. She, too, was blushing. Finally, she found him.

“Got a hit!” She grinned. “What message do I send him?”

“Say you’re 25, looking for a quick fuck, I’ll text you a picture of abs from my cloud drive.” Klaus texted Allison a picture of said abs, smirking as he looked at how uncomfortable she was.

“I’m only doing this because you’re my brother.” She grumbled, sending the message.

“He should respond by tomorrow.” Klaus said, his voice tinged with laziness. To Klaus’s surprise, Ryan responded right away. Allison read the message aloud.

“Hey cutie x where you wanna meet?” Allison averted her eyes from the rest of the group. Klaus thought for a moment before giving an address, which Allison put in her message back to Ryan.

“Where is that?” Diego wondered aloud.

“It’s the motel you picked me up from.” Klaus lit a cigarette, blowing out a puff of smoke to punctuate his words. Diego groaned at this realisation.

“Hey, where do you think we first met?” Klaus continued to smoke his cigarette, Luther waving the smoke out of his face.

“Good point. When does he want to meet?” Diego asked Allison, raising an eyebrow.

“Tonight, 8 p.m.” Allison responded, clacking in an answer with her manicure. 

“That’s early.” Klaus scoffed, trying to hide how truly afraid of seeing Ryan again he was. Diego sensed this, patting Klaus on the back.

“You don’t have to come if you don’t want to.”

“No it’s fine-” He was quickly interrupted by Allison.

“He changed the date. He wants to meet next week.” She clacked another response in, Klaus looking visibly relieved.

“We have a week to prepare.” Diego said dryly.

“And  _ I _ will be doing that because all of you- no offense, Allison or Ben- are complete and total  _ morons. _ ” Five remarked, going off to calculate or plan. Diego and Luther grumbled, Ben looking smug. Allison continued to look for information on Ryan Lee.

“I’m not a total moron. I’m a half moron!” Klaus yelled to the upper floor. Five ignored Klaus.

“Well this was an amazing birthday.” Ben remarked sarcastically, running up the staircase to his room. Luther turned the TV to X-Files.

“I can’t believe his only social media is Grindr!” Allison threw her hands into the air.

“I should be surprised. I’m not.” Klaus sighed, floating above Luther’s head. Luther was slightly disgruntled by the entire thing.

“Why didn’t you come to me, Klaus?” Luther finally blurted out. Klaus was taken aback, floating away from Luther.

“What do you mean?” Klaus squinted at him as Allison continued to angrily search for information. 

“Why didn’t you trust us- trust  _ me _ enough- to tell us something was wrong?” Luther looked at the squinting, pale person before him.

“Because you never asked if I was okay to start with.” Klaus answered after a few moments passed. Luther didn’t have a good answer to this, opening his mouth and then closing it, rubbing his temples.

“I’m sorry that you felt-”

“I learned in rehab that apologizing like that doesn’t count.”

“I’m sorry you think-”

“That either, Luther.”

“I’m sorry that  _ I _ wasn’t open enough that  _ you _ didn’t come to me when you needed help.” Luther finally pieced together a Real Apology.

“Very good, Luther. That took me longer than I’d care to admit at rehab.” Klaus grinned at him, Allison letting a smile play on her lips, Luther scoffing.

“I believe that.” Luther stood up, extending his arms for a hug.

“Never took you for a hugge- AH-” Klaus started before Luther grabbed him in a hug. Luther sometimes forgot how strong he was, especially compared to Klaus.

“I.. can’t… breathe… it’d… be… a … good… idea… for… you… to.. let … go…” He choked out as Luther let him go.

“So is this the part where we actually act like siblings?” Klaus relaxed on the air, slowly going a certain direction or other.

“Yeah.” Luther smiled conservatively as the new episode of X-Files came on, Klaus rolling his eyes.

“Why is there nothing on this goddamn man?!?” Allison yelled at her laptop, her brows furrowed in deep concentration. Luther reached over, slowly closing the laptop.

“Allison, I think you should get offline now.”

“But R-”

“Allison, it’s for the best.” Allison sighed at Luther’s words.

“Fine.” She groaned. “I’m going to go for a walk. Clear my head.” She got up, slamming the door behind her. Luther would normally go after her, but  _ X-Files was on _ , so he figured if she wasn’t back after that he’d look for her. Klaus settled down where Allison had been sitting, one of his skinny legs resting on the table, the other hugged to his chest.

“Everyone can see that it’s the banker who committed the murder.”

“How can you tell that?” Luther raised an eyebrow.

“They said they found American tweed belonging to the murderer. Not nice enough to be the district attorney, but too expensive to be from the carpenter. A banker usually has a nice suit for his job. Also, he has a mustache, and short brown hairs were also found on the crime scene.”

“We’ll see if you’re right.” Luther was suspicious of Klaus’s so-called ‘analysis’. As it turned out, Klaus was right.

“Told you.” Klaus taunted in a sing-song voice.

“Shut up.” Luther waved him off. “It’s my birthday.”

“You can’t use that excuse when it’s  _ everyone’s _ birthday.”

Luther grumbled inaudibly under his breath as Klaus grabbed the remote and turned it to Netflix, starting up a horror movie.

“What can I say? My edgy phase is more of an edgy  _ lifestyle. _ ” Klaus shrugged with Luther glared at him.

“Can’t you pick something normal to watch?”

“Not a chance.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next chapter will be fluff. I tried to surround the sad part with fluff as well. What do you think of protective Hargreeves fam?


	6. Primadonna Girl

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hit 100 kudos today, this is insane!

 

A few days had passed since the family turned 30. Klaus was a little more antsy than usual, cracking more jokes, more fake smiles, and when he thought they weren’t looking, more hiding in his room and crying. There was one thing Luther and Diego could agree on, and that it was that Klaus’s behaviour was more worrying than normal. Five was not helpful (he was never super empathetic) but Vanya came up with a wonderful idea.

“What if we go on like-like a picnic?” She stammered out, writing something in the journal Klaus had gotten her. Allison smiled.

“That sounds fun!” Allison and Vanya leaned in and started whispering things to each other.

“I know you guys can see me now.” Ben said, an annoyed lilt to his voice. Allison rolled her eyes.

“Fine. We’re going to make sandwiches for the picnic.”

“When is it?” Luther casually asked.

“Today.” Vanya shrugged. Luther looked surprised. 

“How are we supposed to plan a picnic in that amount of ti-”

“You’re not, we’re going to.” Allison said cheerfully. Luther shook his head. Diego cleaned his knives. 

“I’ll be there.” Diego continued to polish his knives as he spoke. Ben nodded and shrugged, Luther changing the channel to X-Files.

“I’m starting to agree with Klaus, this is becoming an addiction, Luther.”

“I can’t watch it when Klaus is up because he solves it before everyone else.”

“Fair point.”

Klaus emerged in one of his most outrageous outfits: a glittery skirt that hit just above the knees, a glittery mesh croptop, and stiletto heels. Ben clapped slowly.

“We’re going outside today, Klaus. You might want to change.” Ben remarked.

“You may want to change your attitude, I look amazing and my makeup took forever.” Klaus flipped him off, instinctually going towards the bar and grabbing the bottle of vodka before Diego glared at him.

“Klaus, I swear to god, if you take one sip out of that bottle, I’ll stab you.” Diego threatened. Klaus was not affected by physical threats, so he popped the cap, taking a swig. Diego stood up, threatening with his knife again. Klaus simply floated away. 

“C’mon, it’s just a bottle. It takes way more than that to get me drunk, I have a  _ tolerance.” _

Diego sighed. He couldn’t just stab Klaus without Vanya or Allison getting angry, and Klaus was right, to an extent.

“If you have more than half that bottle, I’ll let Diego stab you.” Luther was laying down on the couch, sighing as he changed the channel for fear of Klaus spoiling the ending. 

“Law and Order is  _ so _ predictable.” Klaus sighed as he took a sip of the bottle, rolling his eyes. He grabbed his new phone, texting his friends as he floated around the room, thankful that Ryan hadn’t messaged him. Luther shook his head.

“Klaus, for once in your life, shut up.” Luther shot a glare, Klaus taking a swig of his drink, his skirt swaying.

“I never will.” Klaus looked sadly at the half empty bottle of vodka before screwing the cap on for the next time someone would let him drink. He was sorta tipsy, at this point. Finally, Vanya and Allison had made a whole 3 bags of sandwiches, chips, drinks, snacks, brownies, and other food.

“We’re done!” Allison announced, smiling. Five stood up, readjusting his blazer. Klaus floated to the door, opening it.

“After you.” He lit a cigarette, taking care to blow it far enough away from his siblings that it wouldn’t get in their faces as they shuffled out and squeezed into Luther’s Honda.

“It’s not built for this many people.” Luther grunted as he got into the driver’s seat. He had wanted Klaus to drive, but the moment he had opened up the bottle of alcohol Luther quickly changed his mind. Klaus’s phone had new and improved speakers, so no one was especially surprised he started blasting edgy pop.

“I spin around.. Cause I’m a primadonna girl, yeah!” Klaus sung along, swaying with his phone, Vanya mouthing the words to the window. Diego bopped his head a little, Allison then singing along. Luther was the only one who didn’t enjoy the song, instead grumbling as he clutched the steering wheel just a little too hard. The song ended and another came on, Klaus turning it up louder, much to Luther’s chagrin. Finally, they pulled up at the park, Allison flouncing out of the car first. She laid down a red-and-white gingham blanket. Vanya helped to take out all the food from the bags. Five had brought a plastic lawn chair because he thought that sitting on the ground was unnecessarily dirty. Ben scrambled out next, sitting criss-cross applesauce, grabbing some Cheetos. Klaus floated out, sitting beside Ben, munching on an apple.

Diego smoothly got out of the Honda, sitting in between Vanya and Ben. Luther was out last, sitting beside Allison, of course. Klaus didn’t notice, but he was levitating a couple inches off the ground.

“This is quite lovely. Thank you, Vanya and Allison.” Five spoke up after finishing one of the many sandwiches that had been packed. Ben nodded in agreement, mouth full of applesauce.

“Yeah, he’s right. You really elevated this peanut butter and jelly sandwich.” Klaus mused, taking another bite. Vanya was silent for most of the meal, but a small smile played on her lips. Diego was grinning the entire time, he hadn’t had a good meal in a while.

“How about some music?” Klaus wiggled his eyebrows, holding up his phone.

“Klaus no-” Luther was interrupted by The Neighbourhood.

“Klaus yes.” The former junkie shouted over the speakers, setting the phone in the middle of the blanket. Diego sung along, Vanya swaying her head. Klaus, ever one for dramatics, ate potato chips while twirling around gracefully in the air.

“So, Vanya, seeing anyone? At least, someone  _ sane _ , not like Leonard.” Allison raised an eyebrow, taking a bite of her ham and swiss sandwich. Vanya immediately blushed, trying to cover her cheeks.

“N-no why would you think that?”

“She’s totally seeing someone.” Klaus sniggered, grabbing another sandwich, drinking apple juice.

“ _ I swear I’m not.”  _  Vanya continued to sound incredibly unconvincing.

“Let me see your phone then.” Klaus held out his hand, his darkly painted nails glimmering in the light.

“Fine, fine, I’m seeing someone.” Vanya continued to try and control her blush, but failed.

“What’s his name?” Luther asked, munching on a brownie. Klaus scoffed as Vanya tried to hide her blush again, her eyes downcast. She didn’t reply.

“N-nevermind..” She shoved some salad into her face.

“Are you just really straight or an idiot, Luther?” Klaus rolled his eyes.

“I’m not an idiot! What do you mean, am I really straight? What does that have to do with anything?” Luther cried indignantly. Allison pressed her lips into a tight line, refusing to get involved. Five scoffed.

“It’s painfully obvious, you simpleton. Vanya’s a  _ lesbian _ , and the fact you haven’t realised that yet is truly astounding. I expect better from you, Luther.” Five explained, his voice dripping with perceived superiority. Vanya’s entire face was as red as a tomato, and Klaus was smirking.

“W-well, u-uh yeah.” Vanya said in a small voice, looking at her feet.

“I knew it from the moment she exclusively wore her hair in ponytails and threw out all her dresses.  _ Power. Gay. _ , I say.” Klaus waved his hand lazily to punctuate his point, blowing out cigarette smoke.

“Jesus, is anyone other than me straight here?” Luther looked around, Diego raising his hand. A glare from Ben quickly changed that.

“Well- I’m straight, just sometimes a-attracted to dudes!” Diego embarrassedly stammered out, Klaus shaking his head. Klaus slowly clapped.

“Of course the only straight one here is Luther.” He lit a new cigarette, putting out his old one on his arm. The others all suddenly looked to Allison and Five.

“I like girls and boys.” Allison shrugged simply. Five’s explanation was of course more complicated. 

“I am biromantic asexual. I can feel a romantic attraction to either gender, but I rather not ever have intercourse with anyone. Klaus is entirely my opposite in that he’ll sleep with anyone who will let him.” Five said in a dry, monotone voice.

“That is a lie- I have turned people down.” Klaus shook a cigarette at him. Luther continued to sigh and look around as though he was disappointed with the entire group.

“Not our fault you’re straight.” Klaus joked to Luther, despite the fact he didn’t find it funny.

“Shut up, Klaus.”

“No. You shut up.” Klaus retorted.

“How about you  _ both _ shut up because you’re idiots?” Five had a way of ending conversations: By getting everyone to glare at him. They finished up their lunch, packing up as Klaus stretched. Today, so far, had been a wonderful day. Klaus and Ben ran over to the swing sets, laughing as they swung. Five shook his head at their childlike antics, but Allison ran over and got on the third swing. The trio of swinging Umbrella Academy children laughed as they felt a sense of nostalgia for something they never got to have growing up.

“Diego come join us!” Klaus laughed, finishing a cigarette.

“ _ No.” _ Diego said pointedly, helping Luther and Vanya hoist Five’s lawn chair into the trunk of the Honda. Klaus sighed, shaking his head, floating over to their spot as he picked up the trash and threw it away, getting into the Honda as the others shuffled in, continuing their jam session that Luther had grown only slightly accustomed to.

As they drove home, Klaus cracked some jokes, smiling.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's shorter then usual but my depression is really kicking in today please don't kill me-


	7. when the party's over

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Finally, the day comes that they have to meet Ryan.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I got emotional writing this chapter and I don't know why. It's not 6 pages long, but it's a full chapter like I usually do, so sorry about yesterday-  
> Shoutout to my new friend Ren, you're an amazing person.

If you asked Klaus how long a good thing could last before something disastrous happened, he’d probably say that due to personal experience, something good would only be able to last a day.

Well, a little more than a day passed this time.

“Today we’re going to meet Ryan.” Allison said, clacking away on her laptop, probably keeping up the appearances of a young, gay man. Klaus shuddered at the thought of having to look at him again. Ben noticed.

“Like Diego said, you don’t have to come.” He patted Klaus on the back, trying to be a good brother.

“If I’m putting  _ myself _ in danger for  _ Klaus _ , he’s coming.” Five remarked, a glare from Ben being shot his way.

“Fine, I’ll go either way.” He sighed.

“He wants to meet at 9 pm.”

“That’s so early.” Klaus scoffed, trying to seem happy so that the rest of them wouldn’t overreact. Ben gave him a hug. Ben wasn’t usually a hugger, but he could understand that Klaus was on the brink of breaking down. Klaus had tells. One of them? Wild eyes that were looking every which way when he was completely sober.

“Do you have a headache?” Ben tried to make new conversation.

“Over half a bottle of vodka?” He scoffed again. “Of course not. Over Luther and Diego arguing about who storms what hotel room first? I can’t listen to Luther for half a second without getting a headache, so yes.” Klaus grinned, Allison shooting him a Mom Glare, though that did little to discourage him.

It was a rainy day, maybe because Vanya was sad. She was curled up, surrounded by blankets on the couch.

“Anything wrong, Vanya?” Allison asked, glancing up from the illuminated screen.

“No, I’m just fine.” She faked a smile, but whenever she smiled her eyes still seemed sad.

“Vanya..”

“I’m just not on my antidepressants, nothing is wrong!” She continued faking a smile, Allison letting it go.

“Speaking of antidepressants, may I-” Klaus decided to join the conversation but glares from everyone except Vanya made him shut up.

“No you may  _ not _ , Klaus.” Allison spoke authoritatively, Klaus pouting.

“Fine, you all suck. Can I dri-”

“Yes, you  _ can _ . But you  _ may _ not.” Five chimed in, turning the page of his book. 

“Fuck you and your stupid grammar.”

“It’s not stupid, but you are.”

“The both of you need to stop it.” Allison wagged a finger at them, her eyes not glancing up from her computer. Klaus shrugged.

“So what even is the game plan?” Ben asked. Klaus lit a cigarette, glancing around the room, scratching his wrists occasionally. 

“Luther, elaborate.” Allison waved her hand

“Well, Diego’s going to use his knives to pin Ryan to the wall-” Luther started, before Diego interrupted.

“And then I’m gonna kill him.” 

“No, you’re not. Torture is okay, death is not, Dee.” Klaus rolled his eyes.

“How would you kno- shut up Klaus.” Diego retorted.

“He has a point. If we simply scare him enough, he won’t go to the police. Murders are messy and I’m not in the mood for cleaning up all of your simply idiotic mistakes.” Five turned another page of his book.

“I agree with Five, no murder.” Allison continued typing. Klaus assumed she was talking to Ryan.

“I didn’t say no murder. I said no murder this time.” Five corrected.

“Why exactly are we doing this?” Vanya drew her knees into her chest.

“Because he hurt Klaus.” Diego answered.

“Like you haven’t stabbed me a couple times.” Klaus rolled his eyes.

“Well you deserved it then.” Diego defensively countered.

“Do you see my point, Luther?” Klaus sighed, a hand lazily waving around.

“What point?” Luther looked up from his model airplane, the rain pounding down on the house around them.

“This is why I like Luther better, Dee. He doesn’t have one of these.” Klaus tapped on his head with his right middle finger.

“Neither do you.” Five turned another page of the book.

“No one asked for your goddamn opinion,  _ little _ brother.” Klaus spun around. Ben shook his head.

“Stop it, all of you. This is not the time to argue. Today we’re coming together as a  _ family _ .” Allison shut her laptop. The warning did not stop Five from glaring murderously at Klaus, who was floating towards the kitchen.

“Luther, wanna hear a joke?” Klaus finished his cigarette, putting it out on his skin as he normally did. Luther nodded, and Klaus whispered something into his ear. Luther turned bright red, putting down a tiny screw. Klaus smirked, floating over to Ben. The two sniggered together.

“Klaus? What did you tell him?” Allison said dangerously. Klaus whispered the joke to Ben, and Ben started laughing loudly.

“Just- just a joke.” Ben sniggered out.

“What was the joke?” Vanya asked, curious.

“ Why is Kevin Spacey so bad at Hide and Seek? He comes out at the wrong time.” Klaus held his stomach, laughing.

“Was that the only joke?” Allison raised an eyebrow.

“No.” Klaus admitted. Allison gestured for the other joke.

“This guy called me ‘queer’ because I don’t like football. No, I’m queer because I fuck dudes.” Klaus and Ben were howling, Luther subconsciously covering his eyes.

“Why would you say that to Luther?” Five looked confused.

“Because I was bored.” Klaus was still laughing, Diego smirking at Luther’s discomfort.

“I expect better, Klaus.”

“And that is  _ your _ mistake.” Ben shrugged, Klaus smirking at Ben’s comment. With all of Klaus’s less well-thought out jokes and a couple movies, time passed and it was 8 p.m.

“We should go now if we want to be there in time.” Five checked his watch, glancing at his siblings. Klaus’s eyes started twitching. Glancing around as if he wanted to be saved. A hand shot up to his hair, tangling itself in his curls as he exhaled cigarette smoke, biting his lip. Vanya, despite trying to stay calm, was slightly scared. Thunder could be heard clapping in the distance.

“Calm down, everyone.” Ben said smoothly. He was always the one attempting to calm his siblings down, especially when Vanya couldn’t do it. Vanya nodded, hugging herself tightly, Klaus lighting another cigarette anxiously.

“Into the Honda!” Luther tried to sound cheerful, as though he was a dad taking his kids to the playground. He failed, and everyone could tell even Luther’s smile was fake. No one was exactly sure  _ why _ they were doing this.

 

They just were.

 

They shuffled outside slowly, mutters of affirmations to Klaus and Vanya coming from the others and a couple to themselves. Once they were in, Vanya tried to lighten the mood by listening to music. Without realising it, she clicked on her playlist, and ‘when the party’s over’ came on. 

“Don’t you know I’m no good for you-

I’ve learned to lose you can’t afford to-

Tore my shirt to stop you bleeding-

But nothing ever stops you leaving-” 

Vanya sang, pretending that running out of her antidepressants hadn’t made her want to cry for no good reason.

“Quiet when I’m coming home, and I’m on my own-

Yeah I could lie, say I like it like that, like it like that-” 

Klaus sang next, glancing over at Vanya. They exchanged quick smiles as they tried to find some sense of normalcy in finding Klaus’s ex-boyfriend who had been sending him stalker messages after abusing him and going to beat him up so that he’d leave Klaus alone. 

“Call me friend but keep me closer-

_ Call me back- _   
And I’ll call you when the party’s over-” 

Allison sang next, smiling over at Klaus and Vanya as the three bonded over music. 

“But nothing is better sometimes-

Once we've both said our goodbyes-

Let's just let it go-

Let me let you go-” 

Ben sang, having a higher voice than Klaus would have expected. Ben blushed a little. He had never sang in front of his siblings before. The car was quiet for a little while, but Vanya replayed the song. A few more moments of Billie singing and Diego joined.

“Don't you know too much already-

I'll only hurt you if you let me-

Call me friend but keep me closer-

_ Call me back- _

And I'll call you when the party's over” 

Diego sung a verse, Klaus genuinely smiling. Luther was still driving the car, not wanting to join in. Five gave everyone a look of ‘Fine, I’ll sing, but I hate all of you’.

“Quiet when I'm coming home and I'm on my own-

And I could lie, say I like it like that, like it like that-

Yeah I could lie, say I like it like that, like it like that-” 

Five, still going through puberty, somehow managed to not have a voice break, which he was internally grateful for. He had a higher singing voice as well, comparable to Ben’s. Luther now understood the song, having listened to the lyrics twice. He sang last.

“But nothing is better sometimes-

Once we've both said our goodbyes-

Let's just let it go

Let me let you go-”

Luther sang as the song finished. Klaus felt something comforting about hearing all of his siblings sing. He felt a wave of warmth. Vanya grinned as she put on another song, this one being “my strange addiction.” Ben smirked at the beginning.

“There’s a whole crowd of people out here who don’t know how to do the Scarn.” Klaus mouthed, working to contain his rampant giggling. He didn’t have to work to control it so much when the hotel came into view, the song ending. There was silence as the car was parked.

“Who gets out of the car first?” Klaus first voiced, barely above a whisper. There was a certain eeriness to hearing Klaus, someone so self-confident and sure, be so scared. Luther unbuckled first, opening his car door as the rain lessened slightly. It was still there. The weather rainy and cloudy, Luther helped Allison out next. Diego and Ben got out after them, with Vanya and Klaus after. Five got out last.

“Well if we’re going to do this, I don’t want to stand in the rain.” Five spoke dryly, a hint of being annoyed under his voice. Vanya nodded, putting a hand on Klaus’s shoulder, her other hand touching his bracelet.

‘’ _ You are loved”  _  The bracelet read. Klaus’s left hand massaged the lettering, smiling at Vanya.

“Thanks, Vee.” He nodded, ready to face someone he hadn’t seen in over two years. Allison held Luther and Vanya’s hands tightly, Vanya’s other hand reaching for Klaus. Klaus reached for Ben’s hand as well, Ben grabbing Diego’s. Five begrudgingly held Diego’s other hand and they slowly walked into the hotel. Breathing became a conscious decision the closer they walked to the building because of one simple question:

 

What if Ryan hurts Klaus again? What if Ryan hurts someone  _ else? _

 

They tried to ignore that question. The rain started pouring down, so they walked faster into the seedy motel, breathing be damned. Allison let go of Vanya and Luther, thus causing the line of siblings to break, all of them slowly letting go of the others’ hands.

“We don’t have a room big enough for yo-” The receptionist started to speak, but was interrupted by Allison.

“I heard a rumour…” The room started to sway. “I heard a rumour you told me what room Ryan Lee is in..”

“232.” The attendant spoke in a daze. Luther started going up the stairs quickly, Diego right behind. Ben ran up next, Allison going after him. Five left Vanya and Klaus at the bottom.

“Are you ready?” Vanya whispered to Klaus. A few moments passed, massaging the text on his bracelet.

“Yeah. Yeah, I am.”

Vanya slowly went up the stairs, Klaus following along. You could hear their footfalls echoing on the carpeted steps. The rain was still pouring outside loudly, as though trying to lull the both of them to sleep. Klaus floated vertically, just slightly. His heart was beating through his entire body, his eyes flicking every which way.

“It’s going to be okay, Klaus.” A few more moments passed as Vanya spoke, the others gesturing them up the stairs.

“You’ve got this.” Allison whispered, smiling down at Klaus. Luther stood in front of Five so Klaus wouldn’t see the annoyed, bitter face that he wore almost constantly. He took another deep breath, looking around as he finally climbed the stairs, slowly but surely. Consciously he had to breathe or he would pass out on the steps, his heartbeat speeding up.

“I know.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know, I know, a cliffhanger. xD


	8. Liability

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ryan is met.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's not as long as usual and came late but I've been sick recently so sorry-

Ryan was not expecting two sharp knives to come whizzing through the air, grazing his skin. He gasped as he was pinned to the wall, a hulking figure pushing a slightly smaller one out of the way, his features coming into his line of vision.

“Ryan Lee?” The stranger asked. Ryan’s pupils decreased in size as he cringed away from the stranger.

“Yeah, who are you?” Ryan tried to maintain a level of calmness. Keyword: tried. The slightly smaller figure stepped up beside the stranger, both bigger than Ryan.

"You're not as much of a bad motherfucker as you wanna be, hmm?" The smaller figure said with a hint of bemusement.

"Shut up. Who  _are you_?" Ryan responded.

“We’re Klaus Hargreeves’s brothers.” The smaller one said, anger dripping from his voice.

“Yeah, I dated him, we parted mutually, what the hell is going on?” Ryan wondered if they could hear him lie.

“Klaus says that he’s been getting messages from you.” The smaller figure was more threatening due to the knives he wore.

“I just-just miss him and that’s it.” Ryan’s eyes were fixated on the knives. A teenage boy walked forward slowly.

“We have a way to get the truth out of you. In fact, we have  _ several _ . I don’t want to be here longer than I must, so tell me. Why were you stalking Klaus?”

“Look, I just- Look, I- I liked Klaus. He just wasn’t the best boyfriend-” Ryan started.

“From what we’ve heard,  _ you _ weren’t the best boyfriend either.” Ryan felt a cold knife slowly dancing on his neck from the Latino man.

“Sure, we both made mista-” He felt the knife’s blade press threateningly right above his collarbones.

“ _ You hit him.” _ A woman stepped forward, and he recognized her. Wait, this was Klaus’s family? Shit, his sister was Allison Hargreeves? 

“I didn’t mean to-”

“The thing is I don’t care what your intention was.” The teenage boy said. Vanya took a deep breath. She could do this. She could stand up for Klaus.

“You hurt him, Ryan, and none of us will forgive you for that. Ever.” Vanya said quietly yet strongly, stepping up beside Five. The others were shocked. She rarely ever said something as definitive as that. But she was right. 

Ryan’s breathing became more erratic as another brother, Ben, stepped up. Goddamn, how many siblings did this fucker have?

“You’re lucky we just don’t kill you.” Ben said under his breath, eyes still and not blinking.

“Look-look I’ll leave Klaus alone, forever- just let me live-” Ryan started until a knife was back at his throat.

“If you’re within 5 feet of him, you’ll die slowly and painfully. Got it?” The Latin man growled.

“Sure-sure, of course, yeah.” Ryan nodded, hyper-aware of the knife that could easily kill him. The siblings shuffled out of the room, leaving Ryan, once Diego retrieved his knives. Klaus shakily stepped forward. Ryan tried to speak, but Klaus put his cigarette out in between Ryan’s eyes. He started to levitate, floating out of the room. Ryan was left shocked.

Their hands once again joined as they left the hotel, being aware of their deep breaths. The rain had stopped pouring, being replaced by bright, shiny warm light that made them nostalgic for summer.

On the car ride home, Klaus and Vanya were all smiles. Five allowed himself to not look so bitter. Ben was cracking jokes, Klaus sniggering. Allison was driving this time, Luther hunching over in the passenger side seat. There was only three seats behind the two in the front, so Klaus floated, with Vanya, Five and Ben on the actual seat, Diego on the floor. It was cramped, but it was still fun.

“You are not a robot-” 

Klaus sang to himself, turning up the music so that everyone could hear, Vanya bopping her head a little as Ben joined in on the singing. The songs would change, but Klaus seemed to know them all.

“It burns like heroin-” He sang, sighing. “I miss actual heroin. Songs  _ about _ it are  _ not _ cutting it.” He groaned, a glare from Luther that he better keep his sobriety.

“I bought you a sober chip from a junkie who had one, Klaus, I spent my money on that and had to tell them it was for my brother and they didn’t buy it for one second, so save me the embarrassment and stay sober.” Ben did the ‘watching you’ movement with his hand, glaring at Klaus.

“Fine, fine. No heroin. Weed?”

“No.” Five responded, somehow having found a book.

“Acid?”

“No.” Diego chimed in.

“Speed?” 

“Like Diego said, no.” Ben remarked.

“...Meth?”

“No, Klaus, no.” Luther turned his head, once again giving Klaus ‘The Look.’

“Fine. No drugs. Got it.” He groaned, wiping his brow. “What you are putting me through here is undescribable torture.”

“You’re a masochist. You’ll be fine, Klaus.” Ben muttered under his breath, flipping him off at his overly dramatic response. Diego smirked, tightening his lips into a line to avoid laughing at Klaus and Ben’s back and forth.

“Oh shut up, Dee.”

“I wasn’t even talk- nevermind.” Diego groaned. “ _ And don’t call me Dee.” _

“I’ll never stop.” Klaus shook his head as though that was obvious.

“I will shut you up for you.”

“I rather not have to hear the entire back of the car arguing while I’m driving if you don’t mind.” Allison finally said, getting fed up.

“Guys, she’s right, quiet down.” Vanya tucked into herself.

“Vanya, you’re great, but I’m  _ never _ quiet.”

“We already know that, Klaus.” Ben retorted.

“Why so hostile? Do I need to take you to the cl-”

“Klaus, I swear to God, if you take me to that damn club again I’ll end your life.” Ben warned, his eyes becoming dangerous.

“What happened at the club?” Vanya asked curiously. Ben glared at Klaus, but he was not counting on Klaus not having any sense of self preservation whatsoever.

“When he came back to.. y’know..” He waved a hand gracefully at Ben. “I decided to celebrate my taking him to my favourite place ever, the club.” Klaus started.

“Don’t you dare-” Ben warned, but Klaus interrupted him nonetheless.

“Long story short, he got shitfaced. Like, he thought he could do 20 shots and be fine.” Klaus sniggered. “He got through about 12, I polished off the other 8 for him. Anyways, after that, get this- this dude started flirting with him-”

“Klaus I’m going to murder you if you say another damn word-” Ben probably meant this literally.

“And so, to put it simply, Ben did  _ not _ go home with me but instead went home with the attractive- what was his name- Frank? No, it was Tommy, wasn’t it? Yeah, Tommy.” Klaus was holding his stomach at the end of recounting his tale.

“He basically pulled a Luther, only no illegal drugs.” Klaus ended the tale, getting the backhand from an angry Ben.

“I thought you’d agree to never tell that story.”

“When we were 10 you told me I could get an STD from kissing someone.” Klaus flipped him off, holding his cheek.

“ _ You can. _ ” Ben muttered angrily as Klaus shrugged. Vanya was silent for a moment before she started giggling.

“ _ Ben?!? _ ” She covered her face with her hands, hiding her laughter. Ben blushed at the fuzzy memories

“It was a mistake.” He muttered, flipping off Klaus again.

“The way you hit on Tommy? I don’t think so,  _ Ben _ .”

“Klaus the moment you get out the car I’m throttling you.”

“That’s probably a bad idea.” Klaus responded, Ben thinking a moment.

“Probably, you’re right, goddamnit.”

“I will smother you with a pillow when you’re sleeping.”

“Bold of you to assume I sleep, Ben.”

“Shut up, Klaus.”

“No.”

“Both of you stop it.” Allison interrupted, sending a glare back their way. Finally they were home, and they shuffled into the Umbrella Academy mansion, sitting down, except for Klaus, who was floating.

“So, Klaus, I forgot to mention this to you earlier when Luther and Diego decided to take us on a joyride to track down your old boyfriend and scare him into never talking to you again for fear of death, but I bought you some college textbooks.”

“Bold of you to assume I can read, Five.” Klaus responded.

“The thought crossed my mind. However, I have found the money- no thanks to anyone else- to send you to get your associate's degree at a nearby college.” Five allowed a small smile.

“Did you come up with this idea?” Klaus took the textbooks.

“Yes.” Allison glared at Five for his response. “-With help from Allison.”

“ _ Better.” _ Allison muttered with gritted teeth. Klaus looked shocked.

“You better not disappoint me, Klaus.” Five looked at Klaus with cold, calculating eyes.

“I’m too sober to disappoint you.”

“That’s the spirit.” Luther patted Klaus on the back. 

“Your first class is tomorrow at 7 am.” Five remarked, checking a book he had with him.

“7 am? What the actual hell?” Klaus almost yelled, running a hand through his hair.

“Exactly, start studying the first chapters now and get to bed at 10.”

“I used to get  _ up _ at 10 pm. I agreed to not do drugs, but get up at 7 am?” Klaus looked at all his siblings, then to the textbook, then back again. 

“No refunds, Klaus. Now go do your homework.” Allison gave Klaus a double thumbs up, grinning, as he walked up the stairs, disgruntled and muttering under his breath about how stupid this was.

When Klaus was out of earshot, Five spoke again.

“You owe me five bucks. I was able to convince Klaus to go to college.”

Sighing, Luther brought forth the money. “Fine.” Five smirked as he grabbed the money, stuffing it into his pocket.

“I, however, refuse to get Klaus up.” Five looked around at his siblings. 

“I’ll do it.” Ben brought his knees to his chest. “I’m the bravest out of all of you for doing it, but I’ll do it.”

“Perfect!” Allison clapped. Grace came over, holding a tray of snacks.

“You missed dinner, but it is important to get enough nutrition.” She smiled as she put the snacks down on the table.

“Thanks, Mom.” Diego gave Grace a hug. Luther would usually bring up how Grace was a robot but they had already dealt with Ryan today, so Luther let it go.

“Yeah, thanks, Mom.” Vanya spoke for the first time since she had gotten home. The rest nodded, Ben grabbing a few cashews.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Klaus is going to college! Yay!   
> RIP Ben trying to get Klaus up in the morning


	9. Why do you only call me when you're high?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Klaus goes to college. Two arguments happen. Strangely, Klaus is involved in neither, yet they are both about him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry it took me so long to write! I was sick for three days and then school was super grueling, but I'll have extra time to write when my spring break comes up.  
> Shoutout to my friend Oliver, who doesn't watch the show but lets me rant to him about how weird shipping Luther and Allison is.

“Klaus, wake up.” Ben tried to shake Klaus awake, speaking soothingly.

“Leave me alone, motherfucker.” Klaus mumbled into his pillow, arms flailing wildly at Ben in a vain effort to get him to leave.

“I feel so respected.” Ben’s tone dripped sarcasm, Klaus’s dangling leg kicking at Ben and failing to hit.

“I don’t wanna get up.” Klaus whined, turning over and shielding his eyes from the sunlight.

“Too bad, so sad. And don’t dress like an emo escort, dress for success. Allison told me to tell you.”

“Well I  _ am _ an emo escort, for your information. What am I supposed to wear?”

“Do you have anything that covers your ass and your stomach at the same time?”

“Well I could w-”

“Not. Fetish. Gear. Klaus. Must I remind you of your last family reunion?”

“Fine, I’ll borrow a skirt from Allison and that t-shirt I got from the thrift shop.”

“The one that says ‘fuck’ on it? No, Klaus.” Ben sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose. “Do you really not own anything that isn’t slutty?” Cue silence from Klaus as he flung open his closet, browsing.

“Nope.”

“Fine, I’ll let you borrow one of my t-shirts. And no stilettos.”

“Well that’s just excessively modest.”

“Klaus, this is  _ college _ . Five somehow scrounged up enough money for your secondary education. If you blow this, that money will go towards your burial grounds.”

“Fine, fine.” Klaus waved Ben off. “Well? I gotta get dressed.” He got out of the bed, shoving Ben out of the door as he slipped into the skirt, putting on a pair of converse. He waltzed out of his room, finding Ben holding out a shirt.

“Put it on, quick, you’re so pale light is reflecting off of you and into my eyes.” Ben shielded his eyes dramatically, almost making fun of Klaus’s threatrics. Klaus rolled his eyes as he slipped the t-shirt on.

“I’m gonna do my makeup now.”

“This is a place of learning, I don’t think you’re going to college for bea-”

“Hush.” Klaus whipped back into his room, levitating a few inches off the ground when he left it, the only difference being a bright red lipstick and slightly flicked eyeliner. Ben rolled his eyes at his brother’s inability to wear anything that had heard of normal, but he digressed.

“Klaus, Five decided that your major, based on your abilities, would best be… chemistry.” Ben grinned.

“Me? A scientist? I already am. Cooking meth is diffic-”

“I’m joking. Major in journalism, minor in dance.”

“Me? You’re trusting me with reporting the news?”

“No, your college is.” Ben patted him on the back. “Go get ‘em. Eat a banana for breakfast. Is this parenting? It feels like that.” Klaus flipped Ben off, rolling his eyes, still unsure about this whole ‘college’ idea. He slid down the handrail, dancing into the kitchen as he grabbed a banana, sexually beginning to eat it as Ben looked at him like ‘are you fucking kidding me.’ Klaus wiggled his eyebrows and went on with his day, giving Five a hug that almost prompted Klaus’s death. 

“So I’m gonna borrow Luther’s Hond-”

“NO YOU’RE NOT!” Luther shouted from anot

“-I’ll borrow Diego’s van t-”

“Not a chance, Klaus.” Diego was sharpening his knives, laying on the couch.

“Well how the fuck am I supposed to get there?” Klaus threw his hands up in dramatic despair, checking his imaginary watch. Five smiled as he handed him a 40 dollar bill.

“It’s called a taxi.”

“A taxi straight to my first high in for-”

“How about I get in there  _ with you? _ ”

“Fine, whatever helps you sleep at night.” Klaus lazily waved a hand in Five’s general direction as he waltzed out of the door, humming to himself. If one looked closely in the right corner, Allison and Vanya were huddled close together, looking at each other with slight worry, but at the same time hope that Klaus wouldn’t fuck his life up further.

Five hailed a taxi, telling the directions to the college and paying ahead of time, eyeing Klaus suspiciously the entire time.

“Do you honestly think I’m gonna tuck and roll for a gram of smack?” Klaus looked with an annoyed look in his eyes at his brother.

“I wouldn’t put it past you.” Five replied simply. Klaus shrugged.

“Eh, I was thinking ‘bout it.” Klaus glared at a certain spot in the car, narrowing his eyes. Five assumed it was a ghost. In fact, it was a dead Chinese woman singing Bob Dylan in what appeared to be a 60s era outfit. She didn’t have any outward signs of death, but Klaus assumed, hey, it was the 60s, probably drugs. He nodded at her. 

“At least change the song.” He told the ghost, who looked up at him. She started to ramble on in a thick Southern accent, Klaus just listening along.

“Whose that?” His brother asked.

“I think- Her name is either Mei or Sun, it was the 60s. Eh.” Klaus shrugged again, relaying the information to Five. Finally, they pulled up at the college.

“Screw this up and Diego screws you up. Or Luther. Hell, Allison would probably slap you.”

“ _ Don’t I know that. _ ”

“Good luck on your first day.” Five genuinely smiled, which almost shocked Klaus. Klaus got out of the taxi, saying bye to the driver, as he walked up to the large building in which his journalism class was in.

“Welcome to Journalism 101. I like to know all the names of my students, so we’re going to go around the room.” The professor had an enthusiastic tone, adjusting her neatly curled bun. Finally, Klaus’s turn came.

“Klaus Hargreeves.”

“Your real name.” The professor eyed him suspiciously.

“Why would I lie about that?” Klaus shrugged, getting out his phone and showing the professor.

“Allison, Luther, Five, all of them.” The teacher looked surprised.

“So, Klaus Hargreeves it is then. Sit back down.” Klaus gave her a look of ‘i told you so’ as he waltzed back to his seat, opening up the backpack and taking out a journal as the lesson started, a small smile finding itself on his lips as the pen began to scratch the soft paper, leaving letters as his hand trailed along.

Back home, it was slightly more chaotic.

“I know that’s not gonna help Klaus get sober!” Diego shouted at Luther, a hand enclosing over his knife so hard his knuckles turned white.

“How do you know talking about it won’t do anything?” Luther shouted back, taking a step at Luther. Vanya and Allison had left to go shopping, leaving Ben and Five to watch the fight as they sipped coffees. 

“Because he bottles everything up until he’s ready to talk about it, you ignorant ape dumbass!”

“What did you call me?” Luther stormed up to Diego, grabbing him by the collar, Diego threateningly pressing his knife on Luther’s throat.

“You wouldn’t dare.”

“I’ll take my chances.” Diego spat out, glaring at Luther with the hatred and heat of a million suns. Luther let Diego go, sending a glare his way.

“If Klaus has shit to talk about, it won’t be to you, Luther.” Diego finally was able to speak after his extreme anger subsided.

“And it’ll be to you?”

“Yeah, guess who dragged him home all those times he could’ve gotten hurt?”

“It’s not like you know anything about him!” Luther argued back. Diego scoffed in disbelief.

“And you do?”

“I’m the leader.”

“No, your name is Number One. That means fuck-all. Go build a model plane or sleep with a furry.” Diego seethed back, his voice seemingly dripping with poison as Luther grumbled off to his room, pushing past Five and Ben. Five seemed relatively unaffected, sitting down to lounge on a chair and changing the TV channel.

“Well that was an entertaining time spent with the family.” Ben sarcastically replied, sadly putting down his coffee cup as it slowly became devoid of any remnants of caffeine. 

“Shut up Ben.” Diego gruffly replied, flopping onto the couch to polish his knives. “You sound like Klaus.”

“Try spending a decade and a half with him and see how you feel.”

“I’d go insane.”

“Now that you mention it…” Ben grinned, Diego softly smiling as he continued to polish the knife that was paramount to a mirror. 

\---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

“Welcome to Entry Level Dance.” The young teacher smiled as they warmed up. Most of the students at that class were female, and most of them were younger then Klaus, but he didn’t care.

“So, I have a list of all your names.” She checked the clipboard and rearranged the beginning dancers into where she wanted them to be and the class began, Klaus grinning as he danced to the music.

\---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Five had found himself entangled in another argument, glaring at Allison over the top of his book, slowly turning the page, the audible rustling disturbing the tension-filled silence that not even Diego’s knives could cut. From Allison's phone floated an Arctic Monkeys song, 'Why do you only call me when you're high?'. Allison said she had a playlist with 6 songs on it. That one came on third.

They had just been screaming (read: Allison raising her voice and Five flipping her off as he talked calmly) about What The Best Thing for Klaus was. The words they had exchanged flitted through Five’s mind along with the equations that danced around in there on the regular.

_ “No-one ever taught him how to do any of this, Five! How should he know?” _

_ “I’m just saying that I don’t think he deserves all we’re giving him- college, driving lessons, the wonders of sobriety, because we had to learn to do it by ourselves.” _ _   
_ _ “Dad didn’t hurt you like he hurt Klaus. Remember when he’d go into his room, sobbing, and Ben was the only one that would be able to talk to him?” _

_ “He’s just a cry-baby.” _

Secretly, Five regretted his words. They were not an accurate representation of how he actually felt about Klaus. Klaus was dear to him, his brother, goddamnit. Allison’s glare did nothing but worsen, growing more heady with the anger she felt towards Five as she flipped through a magazine with her on the cover quickly. The silence wasn’t awkward- it was more like, Five noted, the silence one feels after doing something they know is wrong and being caught.

Only they both felt it.

Five sighed as he closed the book, still slightly surprised to see young, unblemished hands instead of his wrinkled, sun-spotted ones from what felt like so long ago. He was still getting used to this new version of adolescence. One where he wasn’t alone.

“Allison, sister mine, I apologize sincerely and from the heart for the comments I made about Klaus at-” He checked his watch. “5:05 P.M, give or take 50 seconds.” Allison couldn’t help but smile at how  _ Five _ the apology was, interspersed with such formal language.

“You don’t have to be like that around me” Her eyes seemed to liven up slightly, less angry then they had been. Almost a little sad, reminiscent of Vanya, just a little.

“As they say, forgive and forget.” Five said shortly, allowing himself a small smile that Allison had grown used to. Almost immediately, he zapped out of the room. She still had not grown used to that. She picked up the hardcover book he had been reading, opening to the first page.The book title was something she was not expecting. Five reading psychology?

‘Why can’t we get along?: Healing Adult Sibling Relationships by Peter Goldenthal, Ph. D’

She gasped as she went to the first page, noticing the little notes. Five was actively trying to be a better brother. A smile found its home on her lips as she reclined the chair, carefully kicking off her expensive heels, stretching out as her eyes began to take in the words that Peter Goldenthal had written, along with the little notes in neat pencil that Five had written. She noticed, in the notes, that there were seven different symbols that he’d put beside a sentence, a word, or an idea in general, sometimes bookmarking the chapters that way. She eventually got the code, smiling. A carefully drawn fist was for Luther, and the knife for Diego. The box (a representation for a movie screen) was  _ about her.  _ She shook her head at the symbol for Klaus, a needle. Ben was a wiggly line, probably to represent the horrors that curled up in the portal on his stomach. Finally, a straight, vertical line. Vanya’s violin bow. When she carefully read the text that was positioned near the symbol, it all had to do with something they always argued about or something that was wrong in their familial relationship.

Five was genuinely taking notes in a book by a psychologist, the same people he liked to disparage over a cup of coffee and a donut and a heaping bowl of his own ego.

Klaus finally arrived home, slightly tired from the dance lessons, exhausted from the journalism class, falling down onto the couch with the grace of a newborn giraffe. Diego was sitting on the couch, eating a bag of chips and watching TV, his eyes falling over to Klaus.

“So, how was it?”

“Exhausting.” Klaus smiled. Diego was confused at how Klaus was excited that he was exhausted, so genuinely…  _ happy _ .

“What’s so great about that?” The bag of chips was finished, so he sighed as he crumpled it into a ball.

“I don’t even have the energy to lift a single pill to my lips.” Klaus looked up at the ceiling, his eyes tracing designs that only he could see. Finally, Diego understood. And he smiled too.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wanted to give Five some redeeming qualities because so far Allison's just been glaring at him to do shit, lol.


	10. Empty Gold

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Klaus continues to College.  
> Filler chapter as I think up more plot.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey, I'm having my spring break and I'm hanging out with my family, sorry about being so gosh darn lazy.

A couple of weeks later, Klaus had gotten used to the rigorous physical training of dancing and his journalism began to improve. Five helped with his academic homework, which involved a lot of Klaus asking so-called stupid questions, getting off track, and Five occasionally wondering if any of this was worth it. Allison would help with anything he had to practice for dance, and frequent laughter would often come from the kitchen.

“Allison’s a better teacher than you are.” Klaus had taunted one day, smirking. Five’s eyes had lifted from his book, settling onto Klaus, and he had very calmly told Klaus to go fuck himself with a stick because _he wanted to be left alone._ True enough, Klaus left to go find Luther and annoy him.

Secretly, Luther was extremely proud of Klaus. He had almost got his driver’s license (the test was coming up next week), he was going every day to college, and he was doing his homework. Hell, Klaus didn’t do homework when they were kids, he wondered what caused the change of heart.

Some days, there was still Klaus crying as he vomited into a toilet, withdrawal plaguing him. Ben or Diego would stand outside, just in case Klaus wanted help. In case Klaus needed help.

He never asked for it. He was strong that way.

“Is our favourite addict going through withdrawal _still?_ ” Five groaned when Diego was hovering outside the bathroom, worry clouding his expression.

“Yes, and we thank you for your immense empathy.” Ben sassed back, not in the mood for any of Five’s bullshit.

“Don’t be testy.” Five glared at him, his tone dry.

“Then don’t be an asshole.”

“Calm down, the both of you.” Allison interrupted, glaring at the both of them. “Klaus could hear.”

“Everyone is so worried about Klaus nowadays.” Five scoffed before microjumping up to his room, Ben subconsciously cracking his knuckles and muttering something about Five inaudibly under his breath.

“He’s going to be okay, right?” Ben spoke after a while had passed, trying to force a small smile onto his face.

“Of course!” Allison lied convincingly. She wasn’t sure. Her face seemed to be happy and upbeat, but Ben could read her body language. She wasn’t feeling confident, obviously.

“Don’t lie to me,” Ben spoke, standing up and going into the kitchen to grab a Dr. Pepper and a bag of chips. The one thing the family all did when upset?

Turn to unhealthy coping mechanisms.

Most of them chose junk food and crap TV.

Klaus had chosen drugs.

Ben shuddered as he thought about it. Klaus was going to be okay. Some point later in time, Klaus emerged, looking shaken and like he had been run over half a dozen times.

“Are you okay?” Allison said, her concern warbling in her voice.

“Of course, why wouldn’t I be?” Klaus smiled as he wiped off an errant tear streak tinted black by his eyeliner. He was just glad he felt like shit on Saturday when he didn’t have school. A hand went up to his dark curls, tracing them as he thought to himself.

“...Because you were just super sick, so we wanted to make sure you’re fine.” Vanya responded, almost as if she was cowering into herself. Her oversized, corduroy button-up crinkled as she drew her knees into her chest, resting her head on them.

“Well, I am fine, so no need to worry.” He plopped onto the couch in between Luther and Diego, who were glaring at each other for no real apparent reason. He grabbed the remote from Luther’s hand, changing the channel. Luther looked down at Klaus, making an undignified grunt of displeasure.

“Hey-” He whined. “I was gonna watch TV!” He tsked, throwing his hands up at Klaus’s snatchiness. Diego was smirking smugly as he turned to the TV.

“Why do _you_ look so happy about it?” Luther sulked, crossing his big arms which threatened to burst out of his shirt.

“Because I won,” Diego answered simply, pulling out an already clean knife and polishing it. Diego had an obsession with polishing those knives, Klaus noted. They were already clean, he didn’t know why Diego decided to do it so often.

“Won what exactly?” Luther countered, his arms falling to his sides as he turned to Diego, his eyes narrowing.

“The staring competition.” He shrugged, making a sharp movement as he polished the knife. Klaus got up from the couch and went over to sit by Allison and Vanya because if they were going to fight, he was going to egg them on from the sidelines. Allison did not look exactly pleased with this new development of the day, and Vanya just leaned into Klaus as though she was scared.

“You didn’t win jack, we weren’t even in a competition!” Luther stood up, gesturing to emphasize his point.

“Well, we did, and _I won_ ,” Diego replied pointedly, his hand clutching tightly onto his knife’s handle, his knuckles turning white.

“There weren’t any _rules_ to this competition, it’s not fair!” Luther looked at Allison who shrugged and mouthed something he couldn’t make out. Diego sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose, once again glaring at Luther.

“Then why the hell were we staring at each other?” Diego asked, looking around the room to an immensely bored Five, who was watching the argument while sipping his cold, bitter coffee.

“A- Fuck you, Diego.” Luther shoved him, growling under his breath. He would not let Diego be right and Diego was sure as **hell** not gonna win _anything_.

“Fuck you, Luther.” Diego shoved him back, grumbling under his breath.

“Cut it out, guys,” Allison spoke calmly, but her eyes held a level of authority in their sea of brown. Diego ran a hand through his dark hair, rolling his eyes as he stepped away from Luther. He dashed up the stairs, his footfalls still telling of the anger and hatred he usually felt for Luther.

 

Family’s fun.

 -----------

Monday

\-----------

Luther sat down on the couch, his large frame hunched over as he tried to focus on his Law & Order, desperately failing. He had gotten into another fight with Diego over the television programming. Luther had been 5 inches away from letting out a stream of curses that would have surely impressed Klaus. He chuckled to himself as he thought of Diego’s reaction, despite how fantastical imagining Diego being stunned into silence might seem to the average outsider.

Luther’s train of thought (if you could call it that) was slammed off of the rails as Klaus dramatically shoved open the door, giving an exasperated sigh.

“Dance was _so_ tough today! I don’t know if I can feel my midsection!” He began to levitate, Luther giving him a side glance. He wasn’t exactly in the mood for Klaus’s shenanigans, which, Five had duly noted, always became _worse_ when he was sober. Klaus’s feet barely dragged off of the ground as he kicked off his sneakers (which had a “small” 3-inch platforms, which explained why he felt so sore), almost dancing over to Luther and laying on the back of the couch.

“How was your day?” Klaus asked, his mop of curls obscuring the view of his gray eyes, his lips slightly parted.

“I saw Diego.” Luther shrugged. He hadn’t always been the most talkative of the siblings, especially following a fight.

“Extra, extra, read all about it. Does he have a broken nose? Did you get stabbed? I haven’t been stabbed in a while-”

“Shut up, Klaus,” Luther growled, interrupting Klaus’s ill-timed ramble, sending a dangerous glare his way. 

“Is that any way to talk to your brother?” Klaus sarcastically replied in his trademark ‘I don’t care’ tone of voice. It also sounded suspiciously like the one he used when talking to children. Or Luther.

“I just want to relax.” Luther finally sighed, glancing as Klaus floated off of the couch and gracefully stuck a landing on the floor.

“Allison, would you say that was a 10?” He turned toward her, deciding the best course of action was to ignore Luther and his altogether too physical ways of taking out his anger. Allison laughed a little, smiling.

“I’d say that’s more of a 9.5.” She said, using her best ‘Olympics Judge’ voice as she brushed her highlighted curls out of her face. Klaus took a bow and walked surprisingly normally into the kitchen, his pale hand brushing over a crisp, red apple as he grasped it and took a bite.

“How was dance?” Ben walked slowly down the stairs, looking like he hadn’t gotten enough sleep. He hadn’t, because Five had pawned Klaus’s homework off on him and last night was a particularly difficult assignment. Thank God for Red Bull.

“I twisted my right ankle but it definitely improved on the bus ride home.” Klaus shrugged, taking another bite of the apple as he gracefully strode over to the bar in the living room.

“Not so fast.” Allison reprimanded, raising an eyebrow at him. He had stayed sober for so long, he wasn’t going to dare fuck it up now. Klaus let out a high-pitched whine, rolling his eyes.

“But why?” He retorted, placing his left hand on his hip, cocking a brow at Allison. He had done so well, it was just a little reward.

“Because I said so, that’s why.” Allison’s Mother Voice was turned on, and Klaus accepted the defeat, grumbling under his breath.

“So, your driver’s test is tomorrow.” Luther made conversation, wanting to try and improve the day.

“Really? Oh God, I’m on the run from the cops because I ran over a tourist from Tennessee, I can’t go!” Klaus sucked his breath in sharply, accentuating his point with dramatic hand movements. Ben rolled his eyes, Allison giving a small chuckle as Luther looked confused as to whether Klaus had _actually_ done that.

“I kid!” Klaus shrugged. “Why do you take everything so seriously, Lu?” He nudged Luther in the shoulder, grinning.

“Just… don’t call me ‘Lu.’” Luther grimaced, even though he was thankful Klaus was joking and not actually serious. Klaus rolled his eyes.

“Does the nickname offend your manhood? Like you have one.” Klaus inspected his cuticles, earning a shove that was probably a little harder than intended from Luther, knocking him over.

“Hey! Cut it out!” Klaus whined, flipping Luther off. “Rule number 20: No physical attacks on your weakest sibling.”

“That would be Five.”

“Tell that to my face.” Five zapped into the living room, sipping a cup of freshly brewed coffee and staring blankly at Luther.

“-Yeah, you’re right, Klaus, you’re the weakest sibling.” Luther tensed up as Five appeared. Despite being obviously stronger then Five, Five was almost intimidating due to his knowledge and air of “fuck you, I’ll fuck you up if provoked”. Luther’s last remaining brain cell (as Five referred to it) had an ounce of self-preservation that kept him from arguing with Five.

“As I expected.” Five replied blankly. Luther would never admit it, but damn, how did Five always keep himself so under control? It was like he didn’t feel emotions. Maybe that’s why he and Vanya got along so well. Not that she didn’t feel emotions, she just didn’t tell anyone about them, least of all herself. Five sat back down on the couch, finishing his coffee with a sigh, as though part of his soul had been withered away when he was left with nothing but coffee grounds.

“Any homework, Klaus?” Five spoke again, placing the white mug on the table with a ‘klink.’ Allison started up YouTube on her phone, playing 'Empty Gold' by Halsey, mouthing along. 

“You know it. My journalist teacher is such a _bore_ , the old bat says I have to interview my family members and make an article based off of that.” Klaus rolled his eyes, his hands making sweeping gestures as he tossed the apple core in the trash. Allison burst out laughing and Five allowed himself a small snigger.

“So, are you gonna help me or not?” Klaus grinned, winking at Five, who rolled his eyes, still looking sadly at his coffee cup.

“Of course, if I’m going to spend my good money on your secondary education, what makes you think I’m going to completely ignore any of your pleas for help with your basic homework?” Five replied, blissfully unaware of how narcissistic that came across, picking up his coffee mug and zapping into the kitchen beside Klaus, who had cocked a brow at him, to brew a new cup.

“I don’t know, it’s a waste of your precious, precious time?” Klaus shrugged, sitting on the kitchen counter and crossing his legs.

“You’re not getting out of this, Klaus.” Five turned to him with the now full cup of coffee, taking a sip despite how scalding hot it was.

“Damn it.” The future journalist cursed under his breath, gracefully getting off of the counter and ascending the stairs, emerging with a notebook and a pen.

“Name?” The click of the pen was audible as Klaus flipped open his notebook, poising himself to write.

“Five Hargreeves.”

“Age?”

“Christ, I hate your teacher. Just put 29, goddamnit.”

“If you had to describe yourself in one word, what would it be?”

“Intelligent.”

Luther sat there with a slightly offended face. Klaus couldn’t go in numerical order? Whatever. Allison kind of laughed, almost, as she heard the pen scribbling down Five’s answers and hearing their back and forth.

“What would you say is the most embarrassing moment of your life?”

“This interview.”

**Author's Note:**

> I wanted to make it longer but here it is. Expect a new chapter soon~~


End file.
